Musings of a Redhead
by Bobolac
Summary: A collection of RenoCloud drabbles that, if you tilt your head and squint, fit into a story...but the majority of the 40's chapters are...mostly linear. Rated M for the lemons and Reno's mouth. Officially Complete! The end of an era... XP
1. Denial is This Turk's Best Friend

Disclaimer/Warnings: They're not mine. Nope. If they were, do you think any of them would be straight? Well...maybe Tifa and Rude...yes, this is yaoi, so watch out if you're not into that sort of thing. If you're one of my lovely Reno/Cloud lovers, **read on!**

_a/n: I took a page out of one of my favorite fanfics by one of my favorite authors, Roxal. The fanfic in particular is Kingdom Hearts related, and a large collection of short Axel/Roxas drabbles (it's particularly limited to 100 word drabbles), and it's absolutely beautiful. Look it up:_ For You_. This is my way of using such a brilliant idea with Final Fantasy, mostly cause I know I havent found enough inspiration to write a whole story of these two. I'm trying to keep it under 200 words, but I'll let it do what it will. Enjoy!_

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You know, it's kind of funny. The obnoxious, loud Turk is in love with the quiet, mildly depressed (and that's puttin' it goddamn lightly)'hero'. I mean, it's bad enough that he used to be the _enemy_, but hey--how am I supposed to help it? Who doesn't think Strife's a fox? I mean, you have to be sexually _dead if_ you don't think about jumpin' that kid. It doesn't quite fit, though.

When people think of me, they usually think of a few things: red hair (well, it _is_ pretty noticeable), my mouth never fuckin' stops moving, the drunk to sober ratio is pretty high, and that I've got a libido that never quits. Reno and love would never go hand in hand, right? I'm trying to convince myself that. Yeah, all I really want is to screw his brains out, right? The thought of post sex cuddling is not there at all. I mean, cuddling is for _girls_!

Reno Sinclair is no fuckin' girl…right?


	2. Bar Stalking isn't Really Stalking

I wouldn't say I'm stalking him, _per say_. I mean, Valentine can sit and stare at people all creepily, but _I _can't? Damn double standard--just 'cause he has that stoic, metal-armed, mildly vampiric gunman thing going on…plus, I have a perfectly good reason for coming to Tifa's bar all the time—cheaper drinks. I mean, helping save Cloud's ass does have _some_ perks. It almost got me some action for payback, but I'm pretty sure the fact that his face actually formed an expression (and a _mildly_ angry one) when I asked is a _bad_ thing.

But this is _me_ we're talking about. Of course he thought I was making fun of him…but is it terrible to think that I actually want him? Hmph, maybe the kid's just blind…I mean, he didn't see how much Tifa'd fallen for him, how can he see that I want to throw him against a wall and do very illicit things to him every time I see him. I throw back my shot with a hiss, letting the burn of the alcohol set in. Well, maybe I can't get Cloud, but I can sure as hell still get laid.

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a/n: God, I really need Reno renew Reno's manlyness...oh, I need sugestions. I wanna do a chapter of a non Cloud/Reno lemon...kinda a "i'm pretending it's him, but it's not". If I do a FF character, who should it be? 


	3. The Perfect Lie

Disclaimer: Since I feel like I should put a new one every few chapters...No, it's not mine, and I'm getting no money, only hoping for love and reviews! Continue with pt. 3!

It was just right, just the way I like it. Perfect. The slickness of our skin, his weight against me, and the sheer ecstasy when he takes me in his mouth–it's everything I imagined. I'm moaning, bucking up as his hands try to hold my hips steady. My hands thread through his blonde hair–but my brain keeps trying to ruin it.

It's telling me those hands are just too smooth, not callused like they should be, the eyes aren't blue enough, and the hair isn't the same. He looks up at me with a smirk (well, as much of a smirk as one could have with a dick in their mouth) and it's painfully clear: he's not him. But I've made my decision.

'Lie to yourself. Keep lying, and don't be embarrassed when you scream out someone else's name. It's not like the guy remembers yours.' It's only a white lie, but it's perfect. His name sounds perfect rolling off my tongue as I jerk into the nameless double's mouth, drawing out that one beautiful syllable. It's perfect.

A perfect lie.

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a/n: I have to give a big credit to EvanNJames, because a) I love your writing, and b) your suggestion was brilliant and helped me do this chapter right! Thank you! 


	4. Unhealthy Habits

"Why don't you just _talk_ to her? I mean, she can't figure out you're friggin' in love with her if you stand here all moodily." Rude made no attempt to answer and merely took a sip of his drink, continuing to watch Tifa serve customers.

I sighed, pulling a cigarette out. Rude had put my feeble attempt to quit at a standstill. He made me stressed, and it wasn't like I had a stress free life. The only release was sweet Nicotine, my second favorite potentially-deadly substance. Sadly, one can only drink alcohol for so long. Rude's pause was almost epic, but he turned back to me with an earth-shattering comeback.

"Reno, why don't you go tell Strife **you're **in love with him?" He turned to me, his eyes only partially visible through his dark shades. "Why don't you tell him you don't just come here for the booze? Why don't you _stop being a hypocrite?_" The last four words were almost a menacing growl, and I had to fight myself from shrinking back. I shrugged, trying to keep my cool.

"Rude, you of all people should know I _only_ come here for my discount..." It was a lame attempt, I know, but it was all I had.

"Denial is an unhealthy habit, Reno." God, why did Rude have to read me like a book? I turned to him with a forced smirk, my cigarette dangling between my fingers.

"Rude, have you ever known me to have healthy habits?"

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a/n: So I cheated a little. It's over, but for a completely good reason! I can't stop the internal banter that is Reno. Also, I'm noticing that this is way too linear for drabbles. Hmm--must make one non linear...must go ponder this... 


	5. Never Two More Different

The two of us are complete opposites. The fact that I can't stop thinking about him is completely illogical, even for _me_. He's always so goddamn stoic and depressing. I mean, he and Valentine should have a contest at who's more of a downer. Honestly, I think the kid takes the cake. Valentine may be quiet as fuck, but the man can drink me under the table, and that's a feat to behold. Strife can only sit there, looking pensive and staring like he sees something no one else can.

I find myself fixated when he does, with his eyes looking so intense it makes me question if he's about to jump up and kill someone. It's those moments where I want to just reach out and touch him, make sure he's alive, you know? The only time I really see him smile is when I 'wake' him from those moment with a light elbow jab. It's those goddamn smiles that I can't get out of my head. Who would have ever guessed it? There were never two people more different…but we still bleed the same, don't we?

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A/n: First of all, review please! There will be much happiness if you do, seriously. On a real author note, I completely got the inspiration for this from a song by an old neighbor's band: The Good Luck Joes (_Go buy their album,_ What Do You Think of That Noise). It was two separate little snippets from 'Middle of Me', and it deserves the credit: 

_Me and you grammatically don't work good, but it's true, we bleed the same. _


	6. Much Too Young

I'm dying. Seriously. I can feel every part of me giving way to the darkness—and then I throw up again. Funny thing is, I'm 'dying' in the bathroom in some shady bar, wondering if anyone will ever find me. I suddenly feel a pair of hands holding my hair away from my face, soothing and helpful all at the same time.

I wonder if these hands know who I am, know that I've been drinking all night to let myself forget everything that's wrong in my life. I wonder if they understand what it's like to kill another person, or to be infatuated with someone and not be able to tell them. I wonder why they're helping me, of all people. Why would anyone hold back the hair of the loudmouthed Turk? I mean, I know my hair is amazing, but still.

The hands help me up when I finish and lead me to the sink, helping me splash my face. As I look up I see a pair of eyes that haunt me. My brain can only rattle off a few thoughts in my state: Why is he here? How could he be the one to find me? He looks at me with concern, and I try to control the urge to turn and kiss him. Finally one of us speaks, our eyes still locked in the mirror. The last words I hear before I give into the darkness come from his mouth, and it's the most beautiful, insightful thing I've heard all day:

"You're much too young to live this way."

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I think that Good Luck Joes songs are my inspiration when I have writers block. Seriously. It's amazing. Now I'm on a roll. Now all I need is inspiration for chapter 7! 


	7. Fragile

He said something to me last night, and I can't get it out of my head. The times we lay in bed, sheets twisted around our feet, he tells me the things he always thinks about, but never says to anyone. It's those times he intrigues me the most. He's insightful and witty, almost like the sex brings the 'real' Cloud out. But mostly he's contemplative in a heartbreaking way.

He makes me heartbreakingly sad, and makes me heartbreakingly happy, usually at the same time. (Can you say dysfunctional relationship?) And now I can't get what he said out of my mind. It's playing on loops. It didn't mean anything, but at the same time it meant **everything**. (God, I'm starting to sound like him: saying things that make sense when you first hear them, but make no sense the second time around.) What made him say it? Was he really that fragile? I can replay the scene over and over again.

I guess I hadn't spoken in a while, and that obviously means I'm asleep, right? Of course not. He nuzzled into my hair, kissing me on the top of my head, and he whispered:

"If it weren't for you, I'd shatter in a thousand painful pieces…"

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a/n: Aww...semi-corny post sex cuddling, who'dve thunk it? Too corny? Feedback, lovelies! 


	8. Rooftop Contemplations

This was the only place I could think. Funny--the guy who talks all the time can't think unless he's isolated. Even more ironically, I _like_ the quiet up here. I can look over the whole city while standing high up above the center of it, the lights blending into patchwork patterns. It's times like these that I just lean out, an abandoned cigarette dangling between my fingers, and contemplate things. I'm not one to really dwell on things—just give it to me straight, the way I like it (Well, I guess sex is the exception to _that _rule). But when I'm here, I can't help but think things over.

I stare at the burning cigarette between my fingers, transfixed by the glowing ember that slowly eats away at the paper surrounding it, a swirl of smoke lifting up into the air. I take a drag and exhale slowly, watching the trail of smoke leave my lips, my brain working at top speeds. Why was life so goddamn complicated? I kissed him. I fucking _kissed_ him! What was I thinking? Knowing me, I probably wasn't exactly thinking with my brain. Weirder yet, why didn't he throw me off sooner? I practically pulled myself away from him, not the other way around. I mean, does Strife swing that way?

I touch my fingers to my lips, trying desperately to remember what it felt like to kiss him--how soft his lips were and how his hands fisted my jacket—he had to have wanted it. It's funny that I only realize this _now_. There was a good chance I could be back there, fucking Strife, but I'm here, moodily smoking and reliving memories that are fading faster than I can imagine.

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a/n: Hmm...what do you think? You know, I keep finding that I describe the cigarette as 'dangling' all the time. Explanation: Can you really see Reno having his cig hanging out of his mouth? It just doesn't look right in my brain. _Anyways_... I need more inspiration. More plot--more situations. This next update might take a bit...unless I get reviews that is! 


	9. En Route to Self Destruct

And then I realized it: He was different. He knew the other side of me, the side that wasn't all jokes and wit. He was the only one who'd ever really, truly beaten me. He'd seen me at my lowest. He'd seen me do the despicable things my job requires. He's seen me kill for a living. He'd seen the parts of me I try desperately to hide.

Why would he possibly want to be with everything that is Reno Sinclair? And honestly, why would I want to be with Chocobo head? Why would I want to be with someone who is seemingly such a polar opposite of me? Maybe I have faith in him not being that stoic, sad-eyed beauty. Maybe I'm just crazy. Why would I put myself in a situation like that?

It doesn't come as a surprise, but maybe I'm just self-destructive.

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a/n: Woot. That was under 150. Inspiration is a beautiful thing...and so are reviews! 


	10. Half Assed Psychology

You know, I've realized something (I know, _shocker_—Reno's thinking). I'm in some crazy 'relationship', if you'd like to give it a name, with a man that has a split personality. It's weird—he's turning me into some half-assed shrink.

On the one hand, there's Strife: cold, stoic and uncaring. That's the Strife that has repeatedly kicked my ass, sadly. He's the type that'd skewer you into the wall without a second thought. He's the hard, cheerless warrior who's got a stare that'd make the best of 'em cower.

On the other hand, there's Cloud: warm, caring, witty, depressed man with a _heart_. He's the one that would do anything for the ones he cares about. He's the one that tells me he's not as strong as everyone thinks. He's the one that's fragile—breakable.

Cloud is his emotion, Strife is his strength.

It's easy to see why he needs to have two sides: without Strife, Cloud wouldn't be able to stand on his own two feet.

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a/n: This is my feeble attempt to explain a) why I refer to Cloud as Strife in certain situations and as Cloud in others, and b)my meager attempt at explaining Cloud's fragiltiy in chap 7. Worked? Review! 


	11. Runaway

He's run away again. Hmph. It's funny that he can act like such a child sometimes. He can't run from the past forever. Whenever something bothers him, he either shuts himself off or runs away. On his bad days, he does both. This is one of those days. Tifa bets he's hasn't gone far, and wants someone to go get him. I'm not sure I'm buyin' what she's sellin'.

Now, I'm no father (at least that I know of), but I think Strife's in need of some good parenting. You act like a kid, you're goddamn sure gonna be treated like one. Maybe I'm just pissed at him. Maybe leaving him alone is my sad attempt at punishing him. Kinda narcissistic to think that I have that much power over him, huh? Honestly, no one has any power over him. We all think we do, with friendship, or with sex, but it's a bit hopeless.

Strife will always be Strife, and I think that's why we all are so magnetized to him, in a friggin' aggravating way. He's the one that can't be reeled in, the animal that can't be broken. He's a free spirit, and no one can change that.

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a/n: Partially inspired by the premise of Stake Out (which I see has been updated--so go read it!). Had to give some credit! Invision the wolf spirit, I tell you! It helps it make sense...at least that's what helped inspire me. 


	12. Mistaken Identity

I've realized that when you miss someone, you see a piece of them in everyone. In some cases, it can make you go temporarily blind, and you end up mistaking someone else for your…'boyfriend'.

I walked into the kitchen at Healin, my sole purpose in life being my morning coffee. I groggily poured a cup, cursing the empty sugar bowl. I turned, looking to sit and fall back asleep at the table—I got outa bed, didn't I? As I turned, I saw a glimpse of blonde hair on a black shirted figure leaning against the stove, mug in hand. I blame me being half asleep and delusional, but I couldn't help but go to him.

I pulled him into my arms, a smirk on my face and planted a kiss on him, trying to be as sexy as possible in my bed-headed state. I heard a sound of protest below me, and I pulled my lips from his.

"What, you didn't think I'd give you a 'welcome home' kiss, you sexy jackass?" I said, eyes beginning to focus on my target—a pair of steely blue eyes.

"Reno, what _exactly_ am I coming home from?!" I heard a sharp, low voice answer.

'Oh _shit_' my mind screamed, focusing on what _clearly_ was not Cloud. In my arms was a very shocked Rufus Shinra. I jumped back at least a foot, hands raised.

"Uh….Boss, I…um." There were no words. **None**. I had no good explanation, and I _wasn't _about to tell Rufus I just mistook him for Strife. My mouth was opening and closing like a fish as I ran my hand through my hair nervously. Rufus's face quickly turned from a look of shock, to a look of anger, to a small smirk.

"Mistaken identity, I presume?" His amused smirk was enough to make me start breathing again, knowing that he probably wasn't about to take me out behind the house and do me in. He turned, walking towards his room. "You know, I always thought we were pretty distinguishable…or do I suddenly have the look of a depressed 'hero'?" Rufus turned with a mocking smile on his face as he grabbed the handle of the door. "Or maybe I was just looking less handsome this morning and you mistook me, hmm?" He smirked, closing the door behind him. I swear I heard Rufus chuckle, and I could only imagine all the shitty tasks he'd put me on just to get back at me.

'Why does Rufus Shinra always have to be such an arrogant ass? And how the hell did I just make out with my boss?' I thought, rubbing my temple as I took a sip of coffee. 'This is gonna be one fucked up day.'

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a/n: Well, I decided to have a little fun today. This is my own little shout out to my Rufus/Reno side and fellow pairing lovers. No, this isn't gonna become Rufus/Reno, but I had to use a little of it. Call it semi-comic relief. And a not on Rufus's reaction: Rufus just seems the type to use it as an ego booster--not get angry, exactly...just have sneaky retaliation 

Yeah, so I'm totally out of inpiration, hence why there's only one chapter. Suggestions? Puhleeze review, cause I know when you're just reading and not giving feedback! Reviews make the literary world go 'round.

a/n x2: Just edited this to make it have continuity with chapter 18 (whenever it goes up), so people who read this before, it's not that big of a change, but continuity is super important, so I had to edit a little sentence or two!


	13. Still Fighting for a 'Lost Cause'

I'd never seen him like this. I'd seen him bend, but never break. When I first met him, I always thought he was like Rufus—a man who never cries or bleeds. Since then, I'd seen him bleed—hell, I'd made him bleed—but it was only after he came back that I'd seen him cry. It wasn't sobbing tears. It was more heartbreaking. A few lone tears dropped from his eyes, staining his cheeks. That was it, nothing else. All I saw after was anger.

He shut himself off after that. Started calling me 'Turk' again, not Reno. He was pulling away. He was protecting himself, or so I thought. One night I found him sitting outside of Tifa's, a red-pink ribbon in his hand. He ran his fingers over it, like it had all the answers in the world. I leaned against the doorframe, hesitant.

They say I have no manners, no shame, and no social sense. Now, that's somewhat true, I'll admit, but I do remember some of that etiquette training Tseng gave me all that time ago. That, and I have a heart—I could see he was in pain. I wasn't sure if now was the time, if he'd slice me open if I tried to talk to him. Pensive Cloud is not exactly the most inviting Cloud.

I sat next to him on the steps, careful to slip in silently. He turned his head slightly, acknowledging my presence. The ribbon was now lying across his knee, the lightly frayed edges gently swaying in the breeze.

"I'm a curse." He murmured, twisting the ribbon through his fingers. I cocked my head to the side, asking without words. "Everyone I've ever let close to me dies. Everyone I've cared about." His voice was low, almost a whisper, and filled with self-loathing. "Mother…Zack…Aeris…" He sighed, the names difficult to say.

"So you're giving up?" I asked, "You won't let yourself be happy?"

"How can I be happy if I cause that?" He looked me dead on, his eyes emotionless. "I'm tired of fighting for a lost cause."

"Well, I'm not." I murmured, kissing his temple. "You may be a curse, but I'm a fuckin' parasite. You can't get rid of me _that_ easily."

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a/n: My version of silenceinlight's suggestion...good? Yes, no? Suggestion: When you read this (slash if you read it again, since I'm guessing you just finished reading this) listen to Beck's song Lost Cause. Perfect inspiration. 

And my bait--next chapter's a semi-lemon...or a real lemon...something lemony for sure. Review pleeeeease!


	14. Are You Compensating?

"You know, I always thought you had the Buster Sword to 'compensate,'" I mumbled with Cloud leaning against my chest, my arms behind my head. "Misconception, I guess." Cloud turned, eyebrows knitted together, obviously searching for his reply.

"Does that mean you had the EMR to do the opposite? Your way of being modest? Small weapon means big…" he cocks his head to the lower half of my already naked form. "Guess that's a misconception as well." The shit-eating grin was already on his face and he knew I was going to pounce. I jumped on top of him, hands pinning his shoulders as I sat on him.

"Take it back, you cocky asshole." I growled playfully, taking him in my hand and stroking painfully slowly. Cloud just smirked defiantly, raising his chin.

"Prove me wrong, and I'll take it back." His eyes smoldered, and I took up the challenge, pushing into him.

This was my favorite kind of sex, the frantic, passionate kind. We were always trying to top each other in all things, especially sex—who could get the other to come first, who could be the best top (and who would be top, for that matter), who was the biggest tease—it was always a contest. I thrust faster, stroking him in time as I felt myself coming close. Cloud was bucking, moaning my name interspersed with incoherent noises. I called his name as I came while stroking him in quick, jerky movements until he came all over my hands. I pulled out triumphantly, lying back down as Cloud fell back against my chest.

"I take it back." He mumbled, curling into me and kissing my jaw.

"You're fuckin' right, you take it back." I smirked triumphantly. Another battle won.

Reno 1, Cloud 0.

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a/n: God, I don't think I can see sweet, gentle sex with these two...or maybe I'm just pervy and love them all dirty! It's all about competition between these two. Oh, and I've again successfully renewed Reno's manlyness--I made him top! Yay! 

I really wanted to throw in a "Wait, make that Reno 150, Cloud 86...or something like that." Regardless, Reno wins. Cloud loses. Hot winner/loser sex ensues. All is good.

Review--I need the inspiration! I probably won't be able to update for a bit--family weekend. Thanksgiving is always a funny time, me being but half-American, and my dad takes the time to make fun of our tradtions and we make fun of him for loosing the Revolutionary War.

Oh, good times and turkey.

To all and everyone: Have a good holiday!


	15. Theft Isn't Always a Bad Idea

The rush was amazing. The wind whipped through my hair making me look like a fireball flashing past the desolate wasteland. My goggles had finally come into use, shielding my eyes from the biting wind. This had to be the greatest idea I've ever had.

Theft was something that came to me at a young age. I was quick and deadly silent when I wanted to be—a trait that helped me get recruited by the Turks. The act of stealing Fenrir was not particularly hard, but getting past its owner was. The guy had eyes like a hawk, especially when it came to his beloved motorcycle. Thanks to my unequaled skill—and the fact that I'd screwed the hell out of him to make him all tired and sleepy—I'd gotten away quickly and was now riding through the wasteland outside of Midgar.

Suddenly I felt something hit the back of my head and turned quickly. Speeding close behind me was a green motorcycle with a very angry looking blonde on it. The blonde's hand rose, whipping a small rubber ball at a very easy red target—me. The ball bounced off my temple, most of its force taken away by the wind. I snickered and pulled the throttle, trying to delay the ass-kicking I knew I was about to get. I knew I couldn't fend Cloud off that long, even though the bike I had was much faster. Before I could do anything, Cloud had jumped on the bike behind me and had his arms wrapped around my waist.

"You're dead." He growls from behind me.

"Oh, get over it!" I laugh, taking the bike to full speed.

"You're going to regret this." His lips were right next to my ear. "Go home." I spun the bike around, excited to see why exactly I was going to regret my joy ride.

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a/n: Your musical accompaniment for this one: "Get Over It" by OK Go. 

Reno's crazy. It's fun to write, and I love him to death for being so writeable. I mean, I feel like I've got his voice down pretty well...and I can just hear the narrative in my head when I try to think up ideas. Oh, my Reno muse...it's a good thing he's been working well. I mean, I've written four chapters today (two of which are posted), even though by the time I post this I'll have held this and at least one other back for later, to tempt.

A note before the bait: Where did the rubber ball come from? Well, it's kinda like a ball for jacks, so I'm thinking Cloud stole one/two from Marlene and Denzel.

Oh, and as my bait for next chapter--Rufus makes another appearance to tease our beloved Reno. Review por favor!


	16. Rufus Shinra: World Class Asshole

I woke to the most splitting headache in the entire world, cursing everything in sight, mumbling death threats to the rays of sunlight passing through the shades in my little bedroom at Healin. It was a typical morning, you'd say.

I stood, remembering the night before at Seventh Heaven—something about challenging Valentine's drinking prowess. I guess that was my first mistake, eh? I went to stretch, and grabbed my clothes. As I threw them on, I felt a nagging pain in my wrists, which probably went unnoticed because of the fuckin' hangover. I pulled up the sleeves of my jacket, seeing rough, red burn marks.

"Rope burns?" I mumbled questioningly, cocking an eyebrow. I shrugged and opened the bedroom door, going on the search for some sort of painkiller and a hell of a lot of coffee. As soon as I took two steps, I felt like someone had kicked me in the ass. "**No**..." I moaned. 'I didn't let him—oh man. How much did I drink?' I thought, shuffling painfully towards the kitchen. Rufus sat conveniently at the table, reading through some papers. He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow, slightly amused. I poured my coffee and sat across from him, wincing as I sat down.

"I see you had a little too much fun last night?" He said nonchalantly, sipping his coffee and shuffling the papers in front of him.

"Nngh…" I mumbled something, anything to make him stop talking.

"You know, I never thought you to be the submissive one…but I suppose the rope marks and the limping say something entirely different." His trademark smirk passed over his lips. I tried to piece together a coherent sentence to defend myself.

"Not my fault…fuckin' Valentine is immune to alcohol…and Strife…took advantage…goddamn kinky drunken sex…can't believe I let him—ugh." I finished, done with talking. I was just a goddamn running joke to Rufus. Words hurt my head, and I was contemplating getting some ice to sit on.

"Well, I hope you can still fly the helicopter like that," Rufus smirked, gloating at his chance to annoy me. "I need to go on an…errand." He picked up the papers, the smirk still plastered on his face. "Fifteen minutes long enough, Reno?" He said as he walked back to his room, more ordering than requesting.

"Always have to have the last word, don'cha boss?" I mumbled, forgetting Rufus's inconveniently superb hearing. Definitely not good to have a boss that _always_ hears you talk back to him.

"Yes, Reno. Always." He turned, never loosing that amused look. "Especially when you've just woken up with a hangover after being screwed up the ass by our favorite 'hero'." He shrugged, the smirk coming dangerously close to a smile, "Merely protocol, hmm?" He chuckled, leaving me red-faced. I cursed Strife and his goddamn antics.

'He's getting payback tonight.' I thought, grinning as I thought up creative ways to 'punish' Strife. 'Oh, this is gonna be fun.'

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a/n: wow, another long one...it seems Rufus plus comedy equals long drabble! I just can't get enough of Rufus--he's that perfect smirky/snarky character. Reno is such an easy target, and Rufus can't deny his urge to have the one-up on him. I guess I put the smirky Rufus in private situations with the Turks, since I don't see him being entirely cold and calculating all the time. Calculating, maybe, but cold, no. I can see him as a bit of a troublemaker at a young age, and that carries through in his older years. 

I'm a writing machine...I would have kept these two, but I suppose EvanNJames pulled them out of me...now I have to go think of more chapters...hmmm...time to ponder.

Review? It would make me uber happy and you'd get more chapters out of it! Suggestions are welcome too!


	17. Fidgeting Fiend

I have a bad habit of fidgeting. I fidget whenever I'm not doing something, unconsciously keeping some part of my body moving. I can't really help it. Elena says I only do it when I want a cigarette, but Rude thinks it's when I have to wait more than two seconds for my next shot. Tseng believes I do it when I'm overreacting (usually in frustration), which, according to him, is every waking hour of the day. Rufus just chooses to smirk and say it's when I'm away from my 'extracurricular hobby', whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...snarky bastard.

It annoys the hell out of Cloud.I have bruises from him slapping my leg or batting at my fingers. He once threatened to stab my hand if I didn't stop drumming my fingers on the table. What exactly am I supposed to do about it? If we go with my makeshift diagnoses, here are my options:

1) Chain smoke 24 hours a day.

-One, I definitely can't afford that. Two, that's somewhat gross. Three, I **don't** want to become Cid Highwind.

2) Constantly carry a bottle of alcohol.

-My reputation as an alcoholic is already spread far and wide. I'm not sure if fueling the fire is such a good idea. I mean, I may have a taste for booze, but I don't think drinking on the job, as a Turk, is such a great idea. I can only imagine a fucked up situation involving the EMR and a drunken me.

3) Go to those anger management classes Tseng keeps 'casually' mentioning.

-And I thought Tseng would be the most inconspicuous about trying to make me calmer. What the hell would I be if I weren't fiery and 'spirited'? I'd give redheads a bad name! Nix that one.

4) Never leave Cloud and have almost constant sex...if not constant.

-Is that humanly possible? Hmm...that's bringing up some pretty interesting ideas...

You know...I think that last one isn't half bad. I think I should get a second opinion. Where's Cloud?

Mental note: Thank Rufus.

* * *

a/n: Hmm...I seem to be shying away from the angsty lately. The comedy just won't stop influencing me. Time to think of new material. Any suggestions? Reviews are welcome, cuddled, and loved! 


	18. Rufus Shinra: Snarky Bastard

Who do you go to when you have no one to talk to? For once in my life I needed advice, and all the people I'd have talked to were _not_ right for the job. I knew what Rude's reaction would be:

"Reno, you be with whoever you want, but I don't want to know all the details about it, alright? If you wanna gossip, go find Elena."

I was way too nervy to talk to Tseng, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know what Elena'd say. I thought I might talk to Tifa, but I had a feeling she'd just find some way to kick the shit out of me. I vaguely considered Valentine, but I had a feeling he'd stay dead silent before he put a bullet in-between my eyes. At this point, I was assuming that the Avalanche crew thought my jumping Strife was a bad thing, if they even knew about it at all.

I leaned over the edge of the railing, looking at the scenery around Healin. What the hell was I going to do? I hadn't seen Strife in weeks. I wanted to talk to him, maybe even try to kick the shit out of _him_—anything to make things go back to being something familiar. Going back to 'normal' was definitely not an option.

I'm betting that my attacking the kid and making out with him scared him away. Not that I'm not good—my prowess is known far and wide—but I still think he's in over his head. I mean, he always seemed the straight type, right? Eye candy, but definitely still straight. I'm thinking he's just seen the light, that big lifetime realization. I bet he's miles away having volunteered to deliver some 'package'. That's why it's good to be me, and never have that realization. I've always held that good, hot sex shouldn't be defined by what's below the belt. I sighed as I heard Rufus open the front door. He stood next to me, pushing a glass of scotch into my hand.

"You look like you need it." His tone was as nonchalant as ever as he sipped his own. I cursed the fact that he could always be so calm and collected but still know how to piss the shit out of me. I mumbled something along the lines of 'Thanks' and took a gulp, letting the burn travel down my throat and warm my stomach.

It was then that I realized that I didn't even _have_ to talk to anyone. Rufus knew everything. The bastard knew everything.

"How is it that you know every goddamn thing I'm thinking?" I grumbled, bringing the glass to my lips.

"If you actually took a second to watch yourself, you'd see that almost anyone could realize something was wrong." He smirked to himself as he straightened up. "I just happen to be attentive, along with the fact that I'm stuck here having to see you mope about." He went to the door, turning the handle but not quite opening it. "I hope you can forget him long enough to protect me if you have to, Reno." He smiles at some personal joke in his head.

"You'd better hope so." I mumbled into the glass. Rufus refrained from biting at my well placed bait, merely doing his trademark hair-flip in annoyance as he went back inside. I swallowed the last of the scotch, turning the glass around in my hands. Rufus was the type to dance around the subject, but always seemed to drive his point in somehow. He wouldn't tell anyone, but he'd hold this over my head forever.

'Well, at least that's a weight off my shoulders…kinda.'

* * *

a/n: Why can't I resist le Rufus? Since the Reno muse was off on his Scotch break --damn drunk-- I guess the Rufus muse had to step in. I have to give him credit, hence why the chapters are Rufus Shinra: (title) chapters...except for Mistaken Identity. And I finally put in the trademark Rufus Shinra hair-flip! YAY! Oh, and yes, I changed a sentance or two in Mistaken Identity for this to have correct continuity. 

Okay, I need to do a lemon chapter soon...I know, I know, it's been a while. The lots-o-comedy and trying to go back to angst has gotten me away from teh sex.

Also, I feel like dropping in some FFVII characters I haven't used yet...hmm. Is it enough to have mentioned them? Maybe I'll throw some Vincent in there--Reno likes to complain about him. I have a feeling the Scotch bottle is getting low, and the Reno muse is stumbling back to me! Yay!

Review, por favor!


	19. An Addiction of Another Kind

I hate the anticipation. I guess it's a part of the chase, something you can't help. It kills me, though—the watching, the waiting. It's enough to take the wind outta your sails. The questioning: that nagging inner narrative that questions your every move. Then there's the hoping and wishing. That wishful thinking can be the worst. It can pull you up so high just to knock you back down to the ground with all your dreams shattered around you. This whole thing kills me every time—this cat-and-mouse wooing thing. I like a challenge, but I hate this.

Why is it so goddamn addicting, then?

* * *

A/n: Damn, guys. I got that one down to about 100 words. I guess I'm making up for the 600-1000 word ones, eh? Yes, it's back to a little angst, for old time's sake. I based this one off of a little poem-esque thing I wrote a few months ago, unrelated to FFVII, but I felt a tug of inspiration when I read it again. 

I hate the anticipation— / The watching, the waiting/ The questioning/The hoping and wishing/ It kills me every time…/ Why is it so addicting?

Oh, and next chapter will be up in the next couple of hours or so--and it's centered around one of my favorite FFVII characters--wait, make that FF characters in general--wait, make that one of my favorite characters of all time **ever**: Mr. Vincent Valentine.


	20. Turk Loyalty

If I were to pick one person who would be my _complete_ opposite, I'd pick Valentine. I know I've said Cloud is the opposite of me, but I've been thinking about it. I mean, concider the comparison: It's me versus goddamn _Vincent_. Who could be more brooding and silent? Well, Cloud could give him a run for his money, but the kid can't help but talk sometimes. Valentine doesn't let a word out that isn't necessary. Now, I have no _idea_ how a person can do that. I'm the type that can't keep a word in when I should be silent. Cloud used to tell me that I should take a page out of Valentine's book and keep my mouth shut…but hey, that was before I was screwin' around with him, wasn't it?

Valentine has that uncanny ability to speak in cryptic, prophetic sentences (when you can actually get something out of him). I mean who else would say something like: "Too much love is the opposite of despair. An overpowering love may consume you in the end.", or "The time for flight is now past, our battle field lies beyond. The gate to tomorrow is not the light of heaven, but the dark depths of the earth."

What the fuck does that _mean_? Goddamn metal-handed, schizoid, prophetic bastard. Can't help but admire 'em though. They're really hasn't been a better shot in the Turks since him. Plus, the man could make a hell of a drinkin' buddy. The guy can hold his liquor better than me and Rude _combined_. If I had to make a friend out of those Avalanche lackeys, I'm thinkin' it'd be Vincent. He'd be like my Avalanche version of my shiny-headed partner. I'm guessin' all we'd do is what Rude and I always do, when we're not off assassinating and the like: hang out at Tifa's, get drunk and have me babble on for hours. Well, at some point I'd expect Vince to threaten to put a bullet through my head (the man may have the patience of a saint sometimes, but no one can listen to me talk endlessly. I mean, even I would threaten myself if I had to listen to the crap that comes out of my mouth when I'm drunk). Or maybe he'd just shoot me for callin' him Vince.

But regardless--the guy could be interestin'. I mean, us Turks gotta stick together, right?

* * *

a/n: I couldn't resist. I think the Reno muse went off again to go get booze--I'll grumble it again: _damn drunk_--and the lovely Vincent Valentine muse came to inspire me. I think it may have been that I played some Dirge of Cerberus a week or so ago, or maybe it's because I found him again at Shinra Mansion yesterday. He decided to stealthily sneak into my brain. I bet he was the one that gave the Reno muse the money for booze...goddamn sneaky Valentine... 

As an aside--I swear, I love the adjective laden rants Reno goes on when he gets pissed at Vincent. It just seems so fitting. Agree/Disagree?

Inspiration, love, comments, ideas--I love them all! Please Review.


	21. Calm, Cool and Collected

I've been thinking about something for a while now, and I can't get it off my mind. Why is it that I surround myself with quiet people? Well, maybe not necessarily _quiet_. Quiet...calm people, I guess is a better way to put it. I mean, think about it:

The most obvious is Rude. Rude's my best buddy, but he's more the silent type. He's a great drinkin' partner, and he's got a real level head on him. Now that I think about it, he's definitely well described as a 'man of few words', contrastin' my man of many.

Then there's Tseng. Tseng has this way of always looking like he's in control of the situation. Things could be in shambles, but Tseng will still take his time and stay calm, which usually gives him the chance to right the problem. I guess that's one of those things that make him such a great Turk.

Now I think of Rufus. Rufus leans more on the calm side than the quiet side. Though the Boss does get mad, he's got this way of always being very cool and calm. I know he does it around me to get me aggravated. He may be calm, but he's still a snarky little bastard. He's got a comeback for everything, and he's never short on wit.

Valentine is next on my list. Lately I've taken to sittin' with him when I go to Tifa's, if he happens to be there. I would spend my boozin' hours with Rude, but he's too busy being cuddly and such with Tifa. You don't really need an explanation to show someone what I mean about Vincent and quiet. I mean, just look at him. Does he look like much of a talker? He's a good listener, though, even when he doesn't really give a shit about what you're sayin'.

Lastly, I think of Cloud. It aggravates me when he goes silent. I'm usually pretty good at knowing what people are thinking—Cloud's the exception to that. When he goes silent, I'm lost. All I can do is stare into that serene yet haunted face and guess a hundred times over what could be wrong.

Maybe I surround myself like this as a way to have my own personal balance. Now, we all know I'm not the quiet, calm type. Maybe it's my way of teaching me to be better about my emotions. Or maybe I just couldn't stand another person who is as loud and obnoxious as I can be.

* * *

a/n: Yay for inspiration. I swear, I have another two chapters just chillin'...needing to be edited, but still pretty ready. I need some coaxing to put them in, though...review, tell me why I should update! 

Oh, and the bait for Chap. 22: Kinda fluffy--oh, who am I kidding, pretty fluffy realizations by our lovely Reno while still being angsty. Oh yeah, the angst has come back due to popular demand! Yay for angst...?


	22. Pity, Loathing, and Loving

I hate having to be happy all the time. It's expected: I'm that loud, energetic character that's always there to try to cheer you up when you're down, annoy you when you want to wallow in self-pity. The minute I don't feel like holding up that persona, everyone thinks that something's terribly wrong. The minute I want to have a moment to feel upset about something in my own life, they think that I'm stuck in some rut. They think to themselves 'Maybe he's depressed, maybe he needs help'. They think that it's time to pity me. It's the worst thing they can do. My life has been enough of a trek for me, and I've never wanted pity.

Pity is just another way for someone to have power over you. They pity you and your position below them. They see it as a way to use their power to help you and hold you to the debt you owe them. I've hit bottom, and I never accepted pity. I sure as hell wanted to, but even if you're seen as a scuff on the shoe of society, you've still got your pride.

He never pities me. He knows it makes me feel like shit. He knows the difference between pity and help. His help comes from the same level—it's no power play. It comes from that place inside that knows that a person is your equal, that every person is your equal. It's that part of you that sees someone struggling, and you know that they have the ability to rise above it, but they need a hand to help pull them from the depths. It doesn't require any sort of payback, it doesn't have regret. It comes from the part of your heart that loves humanity and that loves the one you're helping, even if you don't know their name.

It's that part of him that taught me how to love. It taught me to care for someone else enough to not have to ask anything of them or to need anything from them but their love in return. I never thought I could learn to love the way people talk about. It always seemed so fake, so idealistic. No one could ever hold back that part of human nature, that desire to use others to get what you need. Shows what growing up in the slums does to a person's idealism.

But he proves me wrong. Every day, he proves me wrong. Every time his eyes meet mine, and I see that look, he proves me wrong.

* * *

A/n: Oh, super fluff-i-luffily fluff...with a tad of angst in there... 

Life is a wonderful inspiration...but so are reviews! Seriously, I've got to chide all of you who are reading and not reviewing! It makes me so saaaaad! It's like kicking a puppy! Now, are you the type to kick puppies? I don't think so...and somehow that reasoning means you should review...I think... (headscratch)

The bait for Chap 23: Reno and the Sector 7 plate. Not really Cloud involved, but probably one of my favorite chapters to date.


	23. Failed Savior

Sometimes I think about getting out of here—quitting the Turks, packing my things and leaving for somewhere where no one knows my name. A new life, some might say. There are so many things here that make me so tired, that keep my constantly frustrated. This place has bad memories for me, and I choose to live with them creeping in my shadow.

As we went back into the slums, into my memories, Tseng said I looked so lost, like I'd turned back into a child wondering the streets. I couldn't help it. As much as I can keep a straight, steely face, my eyes gave away everything when I came back to Sector 7. Tseng tried to sound understanding as he said it.

'You don't know me…you don't even care.' I thought as I eyed the old street corner we used to sit on so long ago. 'I need a new town; I need to leave this all behind.'

It was when I met the eyes of a little redheaded boy on the corner that I had it decided: I had to get the fuck out of here; I had to get the fuck away from these ghosts, and these unwanted memories.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the boy, though. He leaned against a wall, a solemn expression on his face, but with a curious look in his eyes, almost asking for me to save him. I know what that feels like. I remember, back when I was still naïve and innocent, I sometimes dreamed of someone coming to find me, take me home, and love me. I soon learned to abandon dreams, to distrust the world, and to do whatever it takes to get ahead. I wanted to save the little boy, to keep him naïve, to shelter him.

I didn't want him to grow up to be like me, using booze to hide my bitterness toward the life that created me. I wanted him to keep his wonder. I wanted to go up to him and tell him that he could make it. That he shouldn't ever give up hope. I wanted to tell him to run, to get the hell out of this godforsaken place.

As I set the bomb that was to bring down the Sector 7 plate, I thought of that boy. I thought of what he could have been, if I had only saved him from myself.

* * *

a/n: I have such a soft spot for this...I have no idea where it came from--it started off that it was going to be about Reno wanting to run away with Cloud, and it turned into this angsty little beauty. For some reason, I love it. It's probably the most personal yet, and I really hope that it turned out well. 

Bait for 24? Well...at the moment there is no 24. This took too much out of me. Any suggestions?


	24. Cloud's Debacle, Reno's Fantasy

"You know, normally I wouldn't tell you this," A slurred voice came from the body that was slung over my shoulder, "But you're ass looks particularly good tonight." I felt the body shake with a giggle, and I had to admit: Tonight couldn't have gotten any better.

I racked my brain, trying to remember if I'd ever seen Cloud this far gone. Now that you mention it, I don't think I'd ever seen him have more than a beer in a sitting. If Cloud was drunk enough to giggle, he was completely smashed. I fumbled with my key, trying to open the door to my place, contemplating the morality of screwing Cloud's brains out in his current state.

I prayed that Rufus didn't walk out of his room right that moment to the oddity that was Cloud and me: I was more ruffled than normal (if that's possible), goggles askew and jacket falling off my shoulder, with a very giggly Cloud Strife (who was currently very amused at his hair's gravity-defying abilities) slung over my shoulder.

When the door finally decided to cooperate, I slid inside as quickly as possible, making sure not to smack Cloud's head _directly_ into the doorframe. I half threw Cloud back onto my bed, my thoughts quickly turning to those…primal urges. Aw, screw subtlety—I was ready to fuck him silly. Cloud suddenly whips his head up, a quizzical look on his face.

"Reno," He asks, a hand going to my belt, "Do you have your handcuffs on you?" Oh, I _knew_ there was a good reason the Turks carried handcuffs. I whipped them out, swaying them in front of Cloud's face with an eyebrow cocked.

"Now, for what reason would you want _these_?" I asked, my lips next to his ear. His hips ground upward into me, and I could tell _exactly_ what Mr. Strife was hoping for.

"Tie me up." He half moaned with the contact. "Handcuff me to the bedpost." His hands found my hips and pulled me down, grinding upwards again to meet me halfway. "Fuck me." His eyes locked on to mine and I quickly went into action by ripping off his shirt and handcuffing him with an anticipatory grin on my face. I leaned in, brushing my lips against his ear, getting a shiver in response.

"I guess you like it kinky when you're drunk," I teased, slowly running my fingers down his chest to unbutton his pants.

"It seems so," He was cut off by a moan as I slipped my hand into his pants, wriggling them off as I stroked him in slow, teasing movements. He looked to me, his eyes pleading. "How is it that you have so many clothes on?" He growls. "I thought you were gonna fuck me? You can't possibly do it with that many goddamn clothes on, can ya?" I barked out a laugh.

"Well goddamn, Cloud, this is the surprise of the century." I quickly stripped off my clothes as I continued to laugh. "I mean, damn, that's some funny shit." Cloud pushed his hips upwards, reminding me of what I was taking my mind off of.

"What's so goddamn funny, ya prick?" He asked, eyeing me as I stand, bare-naked and laughing.

"What, you can't hear yourself? You fuckin' talk like me when you're plastered!" My laugh died down with the look Cloud gave me—possibly the sexiest 'come hither' I've ever seen.

"Well, maybe you can fuck me sober…" He thrust upwards again—and that's all the coaxing I needed.

"And I said this night couldn't get any better,"

* * *

a/n: Oh, back from the angst with some dirty, dirty Cloud. Now Reno wouldn't have seen this as a debacle, but you know Cloud would have called it that in the morning--just like that time back in...Chapter 16?...when Reno woke to those nasty rope burns and a sore rear. Oh, and I know I kinda exaggerated Cloud's speach, but it twas totally the only way for it to be totally obvious...too much? Did it work well? Did you enjoy the shmexyness? 

I give full and total credit to DarkNite109 for the plotbunny that inspired this semi-lemon.

Chapter 25 bait? Well, I am yet again looking for a lovely suggestions and plotbunnies. As you can see, I really do use them! Review--contribute to the inner workings of the literary world! You know...making writers squee and want to write more. Love you all! (To my loyal reviewers, you totally get a party at the milestone chapter 30)


	25. Lust at Second Glance

It wasn't love at first sight, I'll tell you that. The first time I saw Cloud, I barely noticed him. I was working, you know? People have to know, I take my job very seriously, and it's something I pride myself on. I'm not second in command for nothin'. All I had on my mind was catching the Ancient, Aeris, and being able to clock out early. I vaguely remember Strife, her makeshift 'bodyguard'. The only distinct memory I have of him that day was of him throwing barrels down from the roof, trying to hit my Soldiers. Couldn't help but snicker at that one.

It was the second time I met Strife that I took a liking to him. Maybe it was because I was vulnerable on the job—my emotions weren't in check. I was already feeling mixed feelings at the thought of my old home being destroyed by my hands. My old demons would be gone, but at the expense of a little piece of my soul, taken by the eyes of a little boy who still haunts my dreams.

It was at that moment of moral uncertainty that I really saw Cloud Strife for the first time. Ironically, after the first moment I really remember 'meeting' him, I had to show off a bit of my Turk skills and attack him and his Avalanche friends. Somehow, I got the shit kicked out of me. I mean, I was so fucked up they had to replace me with _Elena_, for fuck's sake.

The whole time I recovered, I couldn't get the kid out of my head. He was so much more than meets the eyes, and it intrigued me. I offered to go intercept the kid whenever Rufus wanted him taken out, eagerly taking the opportunity to see him more often. He grew on me, the bastard. I started out lusting after him constantly, then I got to know him and he somehow tricked me into loving him with my whole being. He's a sneaky little devil.

So maybe it wasn't love at first sight. I mean, I didn't really ever get a conventional first sight did I? Love takes time, in my opinion. I know that sounds like bullshit coming from a person who's fucked around a lot and only been in love once, but I stand by it. In the end, I guess I'd twist the saying and say it was 'lust at second glance'. That second glance was my downfall, but I wouldn't take it back for anything.

* * *

a/n: For some reason I look at this chapter and say 'Meh...' Why, I don't know. Maybe it was because I got my idea for chapter 26 while writing it and got distracted. Or maybe it's because I couldn't think of an adequate ending. Regardless, I came up with this to explain why Reno wasn't considering Cloud in 23: Failed Savior. One review I got made me think about it, and made me feel like I had a plothole there. I guess that's how I get inspired sometimes--I find my own plothole and need to fill it. That's the beauty of a flexible timeline. 

Bait for chapter 26: Oh, it's my Zack-centric chapter. I'll admit it--I am an ardent Zack lover, and my first true FFVII OTP was Zack/Cloud...it's a brief, angsty look into what could be seen as a not-quite-complete love triangle.

Oh, and I'm seriously depressed now...I finally got real info on FFVII: Crisis Core...and it's for _PSP_. Do I look like I have a PSP? (the answer would be no). I want it sooo bad! I mean, it's coming out in like...end 07/early 08, but it's Zack-centric and FFVII and it's so sad that they have to make it PSP exclusive. I must go sulk now. Grr.


	26. Distorted Jealousy

It's only when he completely lets his guard down that Cloud talks about Zack. He always has this mixed tone, always somber but sometimes with the most beautifully nostalgic happiness. It makes me jealous, hearing how happy Zack made him. Cloud doesn't bother to hide how important the man was to him. Just the way he says his name carries so much love and admiration.

He speaks of the days when he saw ShinRa and Soldier as his opportunity to show his worth to the world. The time when Zack took him as his personal charge, attempting to help him rise quickly in the ranks. He talks about Zack's smile and charisma, the way he could light up a room, the way he was undeniably magnetic. He told me that along with Zack being a prankster, he was a shameless flirt, winking and charming the whole world around him. Cloud made me smile when he told me that in that way, I was a lot like Zack.

He's only spoken of Zack's death once, and I felt so guilty for wanting to pull it out of him. Cloud expression tore my heart from my chest. It was obvious that he still blamed himself for Zack's death. He said he remembers bits and pieces, he remembers the moment he woke up, he remembers holding Zack's body and he remembers the point where he couldn't cry anymore. Cloud says he can't really remember too much after that. He thinks that after that moment of shock he took on Zack's persona. He won't really say anything after that. The only other thing I'd heard him say about it after was a murmur one night, something I wasn't even supposed to hear—a lament to Zack:

"I said I'd live out both our lives…easy to make that promise."

I've never asked him to take me to the place Zack died, to Cloud's own little haven from the world, where he could grieve and think in peace. I wanted to go myself though, to try to find out why this man held so much of the heart of the only person I'd ever truly loved.

* * *

a/n: Two notes on this and a query. First, I feel like I kinda screwed with what actually happened, Cloud reaction wise, after Zack's death, since I really can't remember the details (if they exist), for some crazy reason. Maybe it's because I used the part of my brain that's supposed to remember it to memorize the Seph-Zack-Cloud reactor scene in Last Order...or just all of Zack in Last Order.../drool/

Second, for those of you who've seen Advent Children, I know I totally stole the line...I love AC **so **much, and I really wanted to use that line. It's really a beautiful scene to watch. Plus, right after Cloud says it, we totally get to see a beautifully CGI'd Zack montage. Guh...fantasticness, even if it is like...ten seconds. Yeah...I'm a whore for Zacky, I can't deny it. I mean, his line in the Lifestream, and that last scene, with him against the doorframe...and the hand wavey thing...Guh. I'll restrain myself and stop gushing, I promise...gotta remember--Cloud and RENO. /gets distracted by AC/LO Zack/

**Back** to business: Query is this: Do you use Shinra or ShinRa? I tend to do ShinRa for the company and Shinra for the last name. Is there any cannon guidance on this, or should I keep doing what I'm doing?

Yet again, there's no inspiration for chapter 27, as of yet. We're getting down to a milestone chapter count, here! Help with inspiration, puhleeeze! Tell me what you think! You can even chide me for doing a whole Zack/Cloud centric chapter in a Reno/Cloud fic, if you really feel like it, so long as you review!

Lots o' love to all of you readers and my beloved reviewers...it's nice to see a warm reaction to this.


	27. Fate's Sole Gift

No one knew how it felt. No one could tell him they understood his pain. They all put their hand on his shoulder, telling him that it was all going to be okay, that they knew how he felt, that time would heal his wounds. It was all lies. Just words with no weight, things to say to make people feel better, like they'd done _something_. They'd tried to connect, tried to make him realize that pain is a part of life, or some bullshit like that.

They would never feel the heat of the flames as they stood in front of their childhood home, knowing the body of their mother was inside the fiery blaze, helpless. They didn't lose the warm embrace of Mother—a woman who always made him feel wanted and loved. They would never hear the screams of the townsfolk: his neighbors, his friends, acquaintances. The noise of the collective scream of Nibelheim will always be imprinted in his head.

They would never have to see their idol turn into a madman. Something took over Sephiroth that day at Nibelheim, and he will never understand why. He remembers so painfully clearly what the General used to be. He remembers his graceful movements the few times he managed to see him spar against the First-Class Soldiers, seeming so cat-like and devastatingly beautiful. He remembers the way his voice could be heard from rooms away when he was upset, his tone still smooth and flawless while booming terrifyingly. He remembers Sephiroth's smile, a gentle, small upturn of his lips. He can still hear his soft laughter at Zack's antics, showing the unexpected side of himself. The Sephiroth at Nibelheim was merely a shadow of Sephiroth, and a heartbreaking sight to behold to anyone who had ever seen the real him.

They didn't have to see that fallen angel kill the most pure woman who ever walked the planet. They didn't have to see that last pure smile form on her lips before the Masamune pierced through her. None of them had to feel her blood spill onto their hands, see her take her last breath, and feel her spirit slowly fade away. They didn't have to face the guilt, the knowledge that he could have saved Aeris.

They didn't have to face the one who killed her, look him in the eye and see no remorse on his face, to see that his mind was so warped that he didn't see the evil in what he was doing. They didn't have to look at this manifestation, see the righteous man he used to be, and know that they were the one destined to kill him. They didn't have to deal the deathblow. They didn't have the feeling of sheer joy at killing the monster and the following sorrow at remembering what he once was, sorrow for destroying what he once represented.

They didn't even know of his last painful memory, and only one of them could come close to understanding the pain it gave him. They didn't have to helplessly see Zack die. They didn't have to see the one they loved killed, have him stolen away. He couldn't save him the way Zack had saved him, and it broke him up inside. He couldn't protect him when he needed him the most. Now he understood what his gunman friend meant about feeling like he'd committed a sin.

He has memories of what happened after they escaped, but they are hazy with the effects of the mako-poisoning. He remembers Zack carrying him, whispering him words of comfort, cradling him when the sickness overcame him. He wished that Zack's death was too hazy to remember. It was the last memory to return to him, and by far the most painful. The poisoning left him incapacitated, but his eyes were open when Zack's body hit the ground. He can still see Zack's eyes meeting his, a hand struggling to take his, and Zack's mouth forming his last fleeting words in a whisper—'love you'—with a sorrowful apology in his eyes.

The tears form with this memory, the one that usually greets him when he tries to fall asleep at night. He wishes his most vivid memory could be Zack's smile, his laugh, the way his eyebrow cocked skyward in amusement, the way his arms felt perfect around his waist, or the way his lips felt against his. Fate wasn't kind enough for his daily vision to be his first love's beautiful face happy and smiling.

But lately he's had someone to help carry the burden of his pain. He knows what Zack means to him, and he knows that a part of his heart will always yearn for the man he had to watch die. Reno accepts it, knowing that even though part of him has been given away, he holds the rest of his heart. He knows that the pain will always be a part of his life, and he recognizes the challenge of living with it. He loves him enough to fight for him. He loves him enough to put aside his jealousy and love him for who he is. He is the closest thing to what Zack used to be to him.

The feeling was foreign, but his heart could still feel it, even though the emotion had been frozen in time. Fate had been kind enough to let Cloud love again.

* * *

a/n: Wow...emotional ride, this one was. In my defense, Cloud's an emo bitch, and he made me do it:points at Cloud: 

Cloud: Meh. :looks gloomily out window:

Me: My point exactly.

Now to put in real author notes: **First,** it _was_ my intent to not use Cloud's name until the end. We should have known who it was throughout, but I'm a whore for that emotional pull and anything stylistic. **Second**: I generally tried to use names as sparingly as possible (I tried to only use names once, actually), with the exception of Zack...for some reason Cloud likes to say Zack's name, not out loud, but he likes to say it in his mind. Out loud is too painful, but when he's thinking he can say it freely with the love it carries. Reno's pretty much one of the only ones he'll say Zack's name in front of. Hope the 'he thinks that he' stuff wasn't too confusing. **Third**: Yes, I use the name Aeris. My opinion on it is this: I'll always say Aeris with FFVII and Aerith in KH stuff. I know it was supposed to be translated to Aerith, but I played hours of FFVII with _Aeris _trying desperately to un-gayify Cloud :giggles:...so that's how it's gonna be. **Fourth**: Oh, I hope you got that the "only one of them could come close to understanding the pain" was a Vincent reference...and the whole gunman thing. I just can't leave him out! All my faves mentioned in one fic: Zack, Vincent, Reno, Cloud and Seph...yay! Wait! Where's Rufus:runs to find Rufus-chan: **Fifth:**Wow...this was in third person. It wasn't first-person!Reno babbling...that's a change, eh?

Emotional ride? I told you I'd come back to the angsty. It was like I made a comedy break in the middle to save all of you from the sheer angst. Hope you still like it. I mean, I was all teary at parts of this, so I hope you feel it!

No bait for 28, as it's in inspiration mode. It may be a comedy involving reminiscing about mortifying moments and cross-dressing (plotbunny by one of my favorite reviewers), but we'll see. More inspiration is welcome! Love to you all.


	28. Not Quite Bedroom Eyes

When I think of Cloud, it's hard to overlook the physical. The kid is a stone cold fox... if you can apply that term equally to women and guys like him. Honestly, that's the first thing that drew me to him. It sounds shallow…but hey, this is Reno Sinclair we're talkin' about. I'm allowed to be a little shallow.

Most people get caught up in Cloud's eyes. It's hard not to. I mean, they're pretty much the first thing that comes to mind. They're the thing that will forever connect him to Shin-Ra, to Soldier. They have this amazing ability to go from intensely harsh to unbearably warm in a split second, never loosing their mako blue intensity. Sometimes I wonder if the mako poisoning made them brighter, more striking.

Cloud's hair is the next most noticeable thing. You can't miss it, even if you tried to. Beside the fact that he's the brightest blonde I've ever seen, it stands up in a way that constantly defies gravity. Sometimes I think his hair is just taunting the planet, daring it to keep it down. Then again, some say the same about my hair. The fact that the kid's not that tall is inconvenient when trying to spot him in a crowd, but his hair makes it all the more convenient. I swear, that spiky mop makes him at least two inches taller. Plus, it's pretty easy to spot a bright blonde Chocobo-head in a crowd.

This brings me to Cloud's body. The kid is built. Toned. Ripped. However you say it, he's got a nice one. You'd expect so, with how much that sword of his weighs (_Yes_, I meant the double entendre). Excuse me while I pretend to keep myself from sounding smug—but I get to put my hands all over that body whenever I want. Oh, that's the beauty of having a damn sexy…'boyfriend'.

I have a bad habit of watching Cloud's lips. Sometimes it's my subtle way of telling him I'm about to pounce on him, but sometimes I just like to watch them when he speaks. They've got a sensual movement of their own that always makes me lick my lips subconciously. They somehow have the perfect placement: not too far below his nose and not too far above the chin of his heart-shaped face. His lower lip is the perfect size to nip at when I do get the chance to pounce on him, and just big enough to have the perfect pout when I refuse to. Those lips help create one of my favorite parts of Cloud.

As far as voices go, Cloud's got the sexiest voice I've ever heard. Low, husky, sensual—enough to make a man's toes curl. Some say it's too monotonous, but they must not be listening close enough. I love that halting chuckle he makes. I love the way he can show concern in his voice without letting other people hear it. I love how my name rolls off his tongue; how it sounds when he whispers it, how it sounds when he chides me with it, how it sounds when he's screaming my name, how it sounds when he's on the brink of exhaustion. Some people have bedroom eyes—Cloud has the vocal equivalent.

* * *

a/n: So this wasn't exactly what I planned on for chapter 28...but I had inspiration! I was playing Dirge of Cerberus, and there was this specific scene, **:spoilerish alert?:** when Vincent is heading to Deep Ground and he gets a call from Tifa, Cloud and Barrett. I was disappointed with the voice acting in particular scenes from Cloud in Advent Children, but this is perfect. Maybe it represents how Cloud has grown apart from his internal struggle, but it sounds amazing and perfectly in character...or How I imagine (like a healthy mix of emo Cloud and Zack!Cloud). He's dead sexy sounding, seriously...esp. the "Can you hang on?"...: drops dead from sexy voice: Oh, and if you squint, the conversation screams Vincent/Cloud...but then again, I'm a V/C whore sometimes. Ah! I have a link for it, just so you can hear what I mean...if you can, get some of the Turk!Vincent scenes...his old voice is très cute, even though Lucrecia is almost as annoying as Yuffie…and that's hard to do. 

(Wait... Fan-fic is being a bitch and wont let me link. If you'd like it, just request it and I'll send the specific link. If you'd like to go the roundabout way, go to bluelaguna dot net and go to the Dirge of Cerberus FMV's and Cutscenes...it's scene 32, Empire in Ruins. About halfway through.)


	29. Of Mistakes and Rainy Nights

Zack.

_Zack._

Fuckin' **Zack.**

The bastard had called me Zack. He'd moaned it as if the word rolling off his tongue could make him cum. It burned me up inside, set my soul on fire, brought back that rage I told myself I'd never have again. Jealousy. I told myself I'd never be jealous of him. How can someone be jealous of a dead guy? How could that one thing make me so angry? It wasn't like he was cheating on me with the guy.

That one word turned me into the person I said I'd left behind. My eyes burned with a rage when I pulled out of him, as I quickly went limp. It made me ignore the blush of embarrassment on Cloud's cheeks, his mumbled apologies, his fruitless explanations. It made me throw on my clothes and push him away as he tried to make me stay. It made me seethe, it made me loose control. It made me run. I left, heading into the rain, not caring as my clothes got wet, my hair falling in my face. There was no going back now. Pride was at stake.

I'd made the stupid move. I'd blown up. I was still mad, really. They say I have a short temper, but in all honesty it's only about a few things. One of those things is Cloud. I don't know what to call what I feel for him—I don't want to ruin it and call it love, but that must be what it is. I'm possessive about the things I care about, and rightly so. Too many of the people I've loved have been taken away from me, and it creates the need to keep the things you love close. That's one of those things that Cloud and I can relate on.

The word made Zack a reality. I knew about the two of them. Hell, I'd made Cloud tell me. I'd made him tell me and it'd made him cry, made me feel guilty. Cloud doesn't cry…kinda like Rufus. It felt like I was witnessing something taboo and terrible. Zack was the one barrier that he couldn't hold. Cloud has so many walls around him, but that's the unstable one. He's been 'forgiven' for the rest, but he'll never forgive himself for Zack.

He'll never forgive himself for not being able to save him. It's that classic tragic love story with a twist. Boy meets boy, boy falls madly in love with boy, boy goes on mission with boy, boys get captured and tortured for five years, boy helps boy escape, boy is killed saving his love's life.

The word made me realize that I wasn't that kind of force in Cloud's life. Would he cry if I died? I shake the rain out my hair while running my hand through it. Would he remember me like he remembers Zack?

A faint voice sounds behind me, stopping me in my tracks. A hand is on my shoulder, willing me to turn around. As I turn, I see him—the man I…love. His hair is half plastered to his face, his clothes soaked with the rain. He doesn't even have shoes on. I try not to look too long in his eyes, try to feign disinterest.

"Reno." He murmurs, brining his hand halfway to my face, but reconsiders it, leaving his hand hanging in mid-air. "I'm sorry." My eyebrows furrow. "Can't you see I'm sorry?" His voice carries a slight frustration. "I thought you understood about…him." He looks to the ground, to his muddy feet. The subject was now sensitive for both of us. The name carried more weight than his voice could handle.

"What did you expect me to do?" I force out, the anger beginning to bubble up.

"Not run away." Cloud balls his fists at his sides, "Not run away from it. From me." He unclenches his fists, looking me straight in the eyes. "You told me you understood…that you'd deal with it…that it was a part of me and that you were willing to work with it." Shame flushes my cheeks, ridiculing me for being such a child. He was right. Goddamn it, he was right.

"What was I supposed to do?" I whisper a similar question as before, but in defeat instead of anger.

"Listen." Cloud sneaks closer to me, lifting my chin and fixing his eyes on mine. "Tell me it's alright." He snakes his arms around my waist. "Hold me and tell me that you'll stay with me forever." I wrap my arms around him and he leans into my touch. "That you won't die too," he whispers. I can hear the tears in his voice as I hold him close, willing the rain to wash away the pain in Cloud's heart.

* * *

a/n: So it's not what I'd said it would be...again. But hey, I got inspired _two days in a row._ That's two more chapters! They're getting longer and longer...I feel like as I keep going, they may turn into one-shots instead of drabbles--but who's complaining, ne? I think that the acceptance of the former Zack chapter made me okay to write bits of my beloved Zack/Cloud in here, which is good. Makes a thicker background, more drama, and more room for the angst all of you love! 

Chapter 30 is next! Oh my lord. I have no idea what I might do...I think it may be the fabled plotbunny o' crossdressing. I think we need to lighten it up a bit. Maybe a lemony crossdressing chapter? You know how kinky my Reno muse can get... :ponders:

Faithful reviewers, you do know you're getting a party next chapter, right? It's only because I love you **so much**, and you totally deserve it.

Leave love, all you readers, and you'll get it back tenfold!


	30. Spring Cleaning Gone Wrong

**Here it is, as promised, the fateful _Thirtieth Chapter_! **(three chapters in one day, submitted in three consecutive days...I swear I'm on writing crack right now.)

* * *

Tifa was in a spring cleaning mood. I cursed the day that women decided that the season that it was nice and sunny outside was perfect for staying inside and being attacked by dust-mites and poisoned by cleaning products. I leaned against the wall, staunch in my belief that cleaning and Reno had no reason to fraternize. Being involved with Cloud seemed to get me into bullshit stuff like this. 

I wondered how I had actually gotten myself dragged here. The two reasons were right in front of me. Cloud looked up from the box he was carrying in and met my eyes, a smile playing on his lips, knowing I was hating this. Rude, being the whipped bitch that he is, came for Tifa and hauled me here with him.

The boxes from the attic were lain out around the main room of Seventh Heaven, which had been closed for the occasion. The only good part of this equation was that I was locked up in a place with endless alcohol to keep me busy…if I could keep Tifa's attention away from me.

It seemed like almost the whole Avalanche crew was here: the ever angry Barret, the ever silent Vincent, the ever fuckin' annoying Yuffie, the ever cursing/smoking Cid, and the oddly present Nanaki. I twirled a cigarette between my fingers, wondering how _exactly_ Nanaki could help with 'spring cleaning'. He'd be about as much use as I am, him being sans hands and all. I was very wrong. Barret and Cid had made him into some odd animal-floor mop, tying wet cloths to the bottom of his paws. Funny _and_ resourceful…this might just be an amusing day for me.

It was then that Tifa opened up the box that would make my day. She started to laugh uncontrollably, her shoulders shaking violently, as she lifted up what looked like an odd yellow mop. It seemed to have been put into plaits with two ribbons tied to it.

"What is it?" Vincent asked, surprising me with his interest in the thing. I moved from my place on the wall to stand with the rest of the interested group.

"Yeah, Tifa, what the fuck _is_ that thing?" Cid scoffed at the yellow mess. Tifa snorted with laughter and held her hand to her face. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a slightly red-faced Cloud looking like he was deciding between bolting out the door or attacking Tifa. Tifa lay the thing down on her lap and rummaged expectantly in the box, the smile never leaving her face. Her eyes lit up as she found what she was looking for, pulling a silky purple dress out of the box and standing. Everyone's eyebrows rose, wondering why _exactly_ this was so funny. Tifa smirked and started to laugh again.

"Cloud, I think you want these back," She managed to get out before the giggles took over, chucking the two at Cloud's chest. Cloud glared at her, his blush becoming even starker against his cheeks.

"Cloud," I started, a smirk playing at my lips, "Do I want to know?" He shifted his glare to me, staring me down.

"Cloud, you didn't tell him about your cross-dressing escapades?" Tifa asked with a smile permanently plastered on her lips. Seven pairs of eyes quickly snapped to Cloud's embarrassed face.

"Tifa…" He grumbled, trying to warn her into shutting up. It was no use. She'd gotten all of us, namely me, interested. Tifa launched into a longwinded story about how Cloud had been convinced by Aeris to cross-dress in order to get into the Don's in order to save her.

"I swear, he got about _this_ close to getting picked by the Don as his 'bride'!" she put her finger and thumb about a millimeter away from each other. I bit back a laugh as the others cackled around me, watching Cloud become more and more embarrassed.

"She _made_ me! She said it was the only way!" He grumbled. I slipped over to him, putting an arm around his waist, and leaned close.

"How can I convince you to let me see you in it?" I spoke quietly into his ear, the rest of the group still laughing with each other as Tifa divulged more details. He growled low in his throat, trying to scare me away. "Oh, no, you can't deter me that easily. This is _me_ we're talking about." I quickly ran a tongue over his ear, making sure to keep the public teasing to a minimum: just enough to make him all riled up. A small groan sounded in the back of his throat as he shuddered and I smiled, getting my prize.

"If I do it, and that's saying _if_," He began quietly, "I get to do whatever I want to you. And I mean _whatever I want_." He growled dangerously.

"I think I might take up that offer." I mused, tightening my grip on his waist as I imagined what his kinky mind might be coming up with. His hand wondered down from my waist, giving a tight squeeze on my ass, and I struggled not to yelp in surprise.

"Tifa," I called, straightening up. "Cloud and I are gonna go on our…lunch break."

* * *

a/n: I finally did it! YAY! I finally used this plotbunny. Oh, wait...and I finally got to **thirty chapters**! For a non-liner story, I feel like that's a feat of its own. I wanna give specific thanks to a few special reviewers who I feel need to be singled out: 

-silenceinlight (my first reviewer, and still going! Very analytical and funny--and you understand my character choices! I love that you're reviews are long...I look forward to your thoughts on chapters. Plus, you review on every update and squee with me about Zack/Cloud love! Much love for all of it.)

-DarkNite109 (who gets plotbunny credit for this chapter AND "Cloud's Debacle, Reno's Fantasy", and who has quickly become one of my favorite writers too. You're constantly giving me ideas and love for this, and I appreciate it so much.)

-EvanNJames (who gets credit for keeping my Reno/Cloud love alive with your love for this 'story' when I was totally out of ideas.)

-SleighBells (very helpful reviews...with a sense of humor. You're always there to update and fuel me on. Plus, you too have fun squeeing with me about Zack...:sigh: Why is he so amazing? I still don't understand why he had to die...damn plot development:tears:)

-cajun-beauty (my second reviewer! Always very supportive, helpful and giving love for this little story, and I really appreciate it.)

-scarlettHuntress (you came in a little later than the others, but I LOVE your reviews. Sweet and to the point!)

-Writing Muse (your reviews always come at the perfect time, right when I'm in a writing lull...dunno how that happens!)

-Toons (Helping me out with the factual questions--love you for it! Thank you for all of your support.)

-Beatrisu (You've been on alert for a while on this, and it makes me happy to see that you like it :shameless promotion: Go check out this one's writing.)

-NextHeaven (I love that you really enjoy the emotion and detail...it's my favorite part of writing it! Yay for starting to love Reno/Cloud. It's addictive, I swear.)

-Small J (My anon reviewer! Love to you, definitely. I'm glad you decided to try out a drabble fic, and that you like it! I'm usually not one for the either, but here I am, writing one! )

-ItsaMiracle (Your day of many reviews made me so happy, since they made my review count jump about ten reviews higher! Thanks!)

You guys have been really helpful and you're multiple posters, which fuels my review-whore nature! Yay! I think I might have given ALL of you 2x plus posters a special mention. I mean, this A/N is almost as long as the chapter :blush:

To all my other reviewers (aka anyone I forgot) and readers, I love you too! You're all amazing. Maybe if I get to fifty chapters, everyone gets a special mention, if they havent already :twitches at thought of writing fifty chapters:. You all are so much of the reason this has been going on for as long at it has. Your helpful words help me find inspiration to crank out more chapters. Let's just hope I can keep it up for you! **Cake for everyone!** XD

And as an aside...anyone here into art? Anyone interested in doing some fan art? Maybe by commission, maybe out of love, anything really. If you're interested, let me know!

Review please, darlings, and give me ideas if you have 'em!


	31. Embarassment Never Felt So Good

A/n: Lord, this is more p-rn than any of the earlier chapters! Watch out, kids...it's kiiiiiinky. :points at Cloud: Kinky.

* * *

"Cloud, you gotta be fuckin' _kidding_ me." 

Reno Sinclair does not blush. Ever. This is not happening. My face is not hot; my cheeks are _not_ getting dangerously close to the color of my hair. Cloud can't possibly be holding what I think he's holding, because if he is, I think I might just set my EMR to 'kill' and personally end my life. Cloud definitely did not just wiggle his eyebrows suggestively. I'm starting to think that this was definitely not worth seeing Cloud in that dress. Looking surprisingly sexy in that skimpy, form fitting dress…Cloud's fingers flick my forehead in frustration.

"Zoning out?" His smirk is almost as evil as the 'I have a plan' Evil-Rufus smirk. I shudder at the similarity. "There's no way to get out of this one. Trust me." He wiggles his hands, shaking the items he's holding. "I put on that stupid goddamn dress, so you have to hold up your end of the bargain." Cloud saunters over with a predatory look as he looks me up and down. "So, which do you choose?" Here's my dilemma: I can't help but be turned on by Cloud's forwardness…but I sure as hell don't want to do this.

"Clooooud…" I whine, as I try to back away. Cloud's arm is around me in a flash, holding me captive. The first choice was unbearable. But the second choice was worse. There was _no way_ I could go celibate, and Cloud knew this just as well as I did. Damn him, backing me into a corner. It had to be choice number one or death (read: celibacy). "Fine." I put on my best 'I'm really mad at you, and I hope you know that' pout and head into the bathroom, all the while subconsciously feeling Cloud's eyes undressing me. God, this was gonna suck.

As I pull on the clothing, it's painfully obvious that Cloud had gotten a skimpier size to make up for my lack of certain…anatomical 'assets'. Skin-tight cannot begin to describe the form-fitting qualities of this particular outfit. Apparently Cloud has a dirty, dirty mind. As I pull on the necessary accessories, I feel like a complete and total idiot.

"Almost ready?" Cloud's voice sounds expectant from outside the door.

"This'd better be the best goddamn sex of my life, you asshole!" I yell, adjusting myself while I look in the mirror. I look ridiculous.

"Oh, and let your hair down!" I hear Cloud yell back. I grumble as I let the elastic out of my hair, cursing myself inwardly at how girly I look with it down.

"I'm beginning to think you're straighter than you let on, Cloudy…" I play with the lock on the door, nervousness hitting me. The doorknob feels especially heavy and hard to turn and my mouth is particularly dry. This is going to be terrible. I fling the door open, choosing to get it over with quickly. As soon as I'm in plain sight, Cloud's jaw drops.

"I. Am. A. _Genius_." He whispers as I stand before him, entirely red-faced and feeling like I'm the worlds biggest idiot. I turn and try to stalk back into the bathroom, wanting desperately to change into normal clothes. Cloud's hand is at my wrist, pulling me back into his arms.

"Cloud…"

"Don't be embarrassed…" He brushes my hair from my eyes. "You're the sexiest French maid I've ever seen." I somehow blush more than before, and Cloud chuckles. "You're so cute when you blush." I scoff before he pulls me into a breath-stealing kiss, my head feeling light.

Cloud makes a predatory growl, pushing me back wards onto the bed. My feather duster falls from my hand, discarded. Cloud's hands travel downwards in a painfully slow motion, running over the silk of the dress. He reaches below the hem, positioning a finger to prepare me. 'Thank god I didn't wear the underwear' I think absentmindedly as he pushes his finger in, slowly adding another and twisting to find that pleasantly painful spot inside. I arch, moaning low in my throat, the silk of the dress stroking teasingly against my hardness.

Cloud flips the bottom of the dress upwards, exposing my aching need. He arches an eyebrow and swoops downward, taking me whole in his mouth. I moan and writhe when I'm surrounded by hot, wet heat. He sucks slowly upward before quickly enveloping me again.

"Cloooud…" I whine, "Nngh….please…fuck me…" I buck into his mouth and he chuckles, the reverberations driving me crazy. He positions himself over me, a feral look in his eyes. He pushes in quickly, groaning as I contract around him. His movements are already quick and jerky as he pushes in completely before pulling out and thrusting quickly back in, hitting the perfect spot every time, making lights dance before my eyes. I cum with a roar, spilling all over Cloud's chest and my dress with a shuddering sigh. Cloud soon follows, groaning my name whilst his heat fills me. He collapses on top of me, panting. He looks at the mess on the maid's costume, sighing before pressing a kiss on my forehead.

"We'll have to dry-clean that, you know?" I scoff back at him.

"Like I'm ever fuckin' wearing this thing again…" Cloud purrs in response, pulling me close to him.

"But I thought you liked seeing me in that dress?" I scowl, knowing he's got me trapped. We'd have to do this deal every time I wanted to see 'Cloudina', wouldn't we? I giggle inwardly at my nickname.

"Goddamn," I sigh, "You're such a manipulative bastard…" Cloud nods with a light chuckle, resting his head on my chest.

"You know you love it." I chuckle, stroking my hand absentmindedly through Cloud's hair, musing to myself.

'Maybe cross-dressing isn't _so_ bad after all…'

* * *

A/n:blush: Wow. Full on sex drabble. But I do have to say, you pressured me into it:glares at reviewers: I was afraid you'd chase me with pitchforks if I didn't make a hot kinky lemon! 

Finally managed to finish after a very inspiring MSN convo...:winks at Bea:

Like it? Review! Give me inspiration! Puhleeeeeze!


	32. Proof

A/n: I'm baaaaaack, my lovelies! Oh, back with a vengance...and a lemon! Whoooo! Enjoy, my equally pervy friends. ;)

* * *

Reno stumbles into Seventh Heaven, pushing customers left and right as he makes his way to the bar, blocking out their outraged cries. He claps his hands down on the top of the bar. 

"Give me something fuckin' strong, Tifa, and _fast_." He growls, sitting down. Tifa narrows her eyes at him, taking in his rough and clearly frazzled appearance. She pulls out a bottle, pushing a shot at him, sighing softly. And _this_ was the man her childhood friend had fallen for.

"What did you do _now_ Reno?" She leaned against the bar, frowning slightly. The only thing that could ever get him this mad was Cloud, and there was no doubt in her mind that Reno had done something inherently stupid and had upset the blonde. Reno growls lightly, sneering at her.

"And you just _assume_ it's my fault, eh? Typical." He downs the shot quickly, motioning for another. Tifa merely sighs and refills it, eyeing him warily.

"He accused me of fucking around with Rufus, alright?" Reno sighs heavily, downing the shot and taking the bottle from Tifa's hands, slugging back a bit. "And I, being the dumbass that I am, didn't deny it, and told him that if I'd felt like it, I would fuck Rufus's brains out. Thus, he got jealous and threw me out." He gestures slightly with the bottle as he speaks, "Somewhere within our argument, I forgot to mention that I _would've_ fucked Rufus 'cause he looks kinda like Cloudy-kins, though I never _have_. I guess that's kinda a moot point now, hmm?"

Reno slugs back close to half the bottle, drowning in the sweet release that was alcohol. Nothing was better for running away from your problems, eh? Tifa sighs, watching him closely as she serves other customers. As he finishes the first, Reno reaches over the bar, feeling around for another bottle, hoping to get drunk out of his mind. Tifa slaps his hand down roughly, eyes narrowed.

"I think you've had enough, Reno." She walks around the bar, taking his shoulders in her hands. "Go home and apologize, alright?" Reno growls lightly at her, shrugging her hands off of his shoulders, grumbling some sort of goodbye. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, grousing to himself as he takes the walk home, taking thoughtful drags on a cigarette.

As he walks in the front door, he makes no hesitation to seek out his blonde lover. Cloud is just where he expected him to be—sitting, staring out the window, looking pensive and upset. Reno scowls, moving over to him and pushing him into the wall roughly, hand clenched around the fabric of his shirt.

"I never fucked him, alright?" He snarls, eyes meeting Cloud's. "I never want to, and I never have, okay?" Reno leans in to bite roughly at the juncture between Cloud's neck and shoulder, eliciting a soft, albeit unintentional, moan. He marks him, sucking lightly at the skin between bites, one hand traveling under the other's shirt, running over taut muscles. Reno nibbles at his ear, growling possessively. "I only want to fuck you, you know? I'm yours, and you're _mine_, and no one else's." Cloud's half lidded eyes meet his.

"How about you prove that, hmm?" Cloud gives him a challenging glance, a slight smirk on his face. Reno glares at him, mouth curling into a surprisingly attractive snarl. He pushes him against the wall, laying his body flush against Cloud's, hands working quickly to remove both of their clothes, tongues twined in a rough battle for dominance. Reno runs his hands slowly down Cloud's body, paying attention to his especially sensitive areas, before taking his cock in his hands, stroking slowly, teasingly.

"Mmm…so you want me to fuck you then?" He whispers huskily, letting a nail run over the head. Cloud hisses loudly, eyes snapping open to meet his in an affirming glance before pulling Reno into a fierce kiss. Reno pulls away, sliding up three fingers for Cloud to take into his mouth, eyeing him. Cloud slips the fingers into his mouth, licking them sensually, getting them wet and managing to get Reno's cock to get even harder than it was before.

Reno groans softly, turning Cloud to face the wall. He slides a finger inside him slowly, twisting it slightly before adding another, making scissoring motions. Cloud mewls softly, bucking his hips backward toward the fingers as they find that painfully pleasant spot inside. Reno grins, turning Cloud's mouth toward his. "Suck me, Cloud. Get me slick…" Reno nods downwards. Cloud smirks, sliding to his knees, taking him into his mouth. He sucks softly, getting him slick, wet, while sliding him in and out of his mouth. Reno lets out a guttural moan, pulling Cloud up from his knees and back to face the wall, his cheek pressing softly against it.

Reno pushes slowly inside him, groaning at the wet, hot heat that was Cloud. He bites softly at Cloud's neck, giving him a moment to adjust to the intrusion.

"_Move_ already!" Cloud growls, bucking his hips backwards again, groaning loudly. Reno smirks, thrusting slowly at first, but moving swiftly into a breakneck, painfully pleasurable speed—just the way Cloud likes it.

He snakes a hand around Cloud's waist, taking his cock in hand and pumping him in time, managing to angle his hips to hit the spot that makes Cloud see stars. Cloud lets out a gasp, then a low moan, tightening around him, cumming into Reno's hand and across his own chest, panting. Reno lets out a roar, the added pressure sending him over the edge, cumming hard and spilling into his lover.

He collapses against Cloud's back, breathing ragged, smirking. Cloud turns, slipping him out and pulling him into a tight embrace, the two sliding to the floor. Reno kisses him hard, pulling back and eyeing him.

"S'that enough proof for you?" He asks, looking doubtfully at Cloud. Cloud chuckles, eyes slipping closed.

"Mmm…enough for tonight.

* * *

A/n: I'll admit to you, it's been _waaaay_ too long. But there was no inspiration! All my writing thoughts were being taken away...until I got that first line in my head. I think this is kinda wierd to me, but that's probably because of the **3rd person** and all, plus the tense it's in...but I still like it, if only because it means I'm HERE! Yaaaay! Review to your hearts content, my precious readers! I luuuuurve you and I missed you guys! Oh, and BTW, inspiration for this song:/\uficer's "Desire". Hooooot song.  



	33. Requiem

A/n: You ask for angst, and you shall recieve. Slight warning for character death/dying. But trust me on this, it'll be good...don't worry! Read, my pretties:grins:

* * *

Have you ever felt as if your body was about to give up? Felt the dark, black abyss of death wrapping around you, enveloping you in its endless cold? It's like you're drowning—the surface always too far away, but close enough for you to hope for a sharp, gasping breath of air. 

The blood…

My eyes flutter open, foggy, unfocused. My head leans back against the wall, wincing at the slightest movement. I blink repeatedly, raising my hand up slowly, eyeing it. My hand, the blood soaking it, seeping into my shirt sleeves—it's _my_ blood. It's everywhere, sliding down my chest, my arms, pooling around me. It almost feels like it's trying desperately to escape, but then clings to my pores, feebly attempting to return to its rightful place.

An ambush…

I didn't see it coming. It's silly, really, that I let this happen. Reno Sinclair, with lightning fast reflexes, and I couldn't avoid this. Was it a hired kill? Was it an accident? Was it a scorned old flame, come back to haunt me? Was it a drunk, come to pay me back for my snide comments? I sigh softly, hand covering the wound on my stomach.

Regret…

I wasn't supposed to die like this—cold, alone, wet from the rain, abandoned in a side alley. I was supposed to go out in a blaze of glory, to be forever heralded as a hero. Women would swoon at the thought of me, men would want to be me…and be _with_ me, for that matter. I chuckle softly, wincing at the movement. A frown plays across my lips. No last laugh for Reno Sinclair?

Defiance…

The cold grip tightens on my lungs, and I begin to give up on being found, being saved. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the kid from the slums was destined to die in the slums, alone as he always was before. The end was to be as the beginning. Kinda poetic, doncha think? I scoff into the silence, laughing at fate. I really appreciated this one. After all I'd been through, you'd think fate would be kind enough to give me at least a warm bed to die on, a blonde to hold my hand as I breathe my last breath—but no. The kid from the slums doesn't deserve such pity. Well fuck you, fate. I don't want your goddamn pity.

Acceptance…

I close my eyes, considering letting myself go, considering giving in to the intoxicating darkness of death's abyss. Anything seems better than this…this cold, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, the slow, shallow beat of my heart, the painful, labored breathing, frigid air passing through my lips, stinging my lungs. Maybe it was my time…

Remembrance…

Questions of one person crossed my mind, in those final, fleeting moments. 'Will he miss me? Will he cry over me? Will he tell them he loved me? Will I ever be able to tell him that I loved him? Will I hurt him?' My eyes clench shut. I never meant to hurt him…never.

Requiem…

My mind pushes out the cold of my body, replacing it with a memory of the warm arms of the only one who ever, really loved me. My nose can still faintly smell the scent of his hair, his musk. My ears recall the sound of his voice, raspy and low, oddly anxious in my feeble memory. My dry, paled lips feel his on mine, desperately kissing me. My eyes slip open, and closed again, remembering his beautiful eyes, and seeing them welled with tears. A faint green light glows in front of my closed eyes, breath coming in gasps, the pain finally subsiding. So this is what death feels like? I give my last goodbye to the cold, empty night:

"I'm sorry, Cloud…I love you."

* * *

A/n: Emotional rollercoaster, ne? I actually got the idea for this when I was coming off of a caffeine high, and my body felt like it was going to sink into the ground. The lines in the middle...they're almost seen as a narrator in his head, listing the last emotions and thoughts of his life. Mildly poetic, or at least my feeble attempt at it!

Please, please, tell me your thoughts on this one. What do _you_ think happened? If I get good responses, I'm totally doing a follow up on this one...:ponders: Well, now that I think of the ending, I kinda _have to_ do a follow up.

Review, my lovelies!


	34. A New Reality

A/n: Waaarning: Fluff, fluff, fluffy fluff.

* * *

Every muscle in my body feels like it's been stretched and pulled, then shoved back into place. Whatever bed they've got me in is quite lumpy and uncomfortable—what, have they been getting stingy with the funds in heaven? I mean, seriously. I open one eye slightly, looking at the crumbly wallpaper, the moonlight pooling into the room through the curtain-less windows. I sigh softly, shifting.

This was not the way I wanted to enter into the afterlife. I expected to have some sort of ceremony, maybe a parade, with people screaming my name, heralding me as the greatest TURK that ever lived. Maybe it was the whole dying in a back alley that made that sort of thing null and void. I close my eyes again, drifting into a half sleeping state. What, so we sleep in the afterlife? This whole thing's a trip. Shifting slightly, I hear a door open and a soft gasp.

"Reno…" a voice breathes, hands quickly taking mine. I struggle to open my eyes again, seeing a blurry figure before me. I blink repeatedly, fighting to get the figure into focus. Is this some sorta angel or something? Not that I believe in that sort of shit, but all in all, that'd be a pretty nice greeting into the next life. Features come into focus—blonde hair, blue eyes, full, pink lips. I blink more, intrigued by what I see. It was then that my heart felt like it was in my throat.

"C-Cloud?" My voice is raspy, hoarse, as if it hasn't been used in decades. I blink again, more trying to fight back tears than to focus. Cloud's eyes are welled with tears of his own. I know he hates to cry. Why is he crying? I should be crying! If I'm dead, and Cloud is _here_, then Cloud is dead! I make a choked nose, struggling to grip his hand.

"Reno…" He says softly, one hand going to stroke my hair. He smiles slightly, looking down at me. "I thought you'd never wake up. They said it wasn't sure if you would…" He trails off, wiping at one of his eyes.

"But Cloud…you died too? If I'm dead, then…" I scrunched my nose, thinking. Cloud laughs softly, smiling wider.

"You're not _dead_, Reno." He kisses me softly, one of his tears hitting my cheek. "I found you in an alley, bloody, delusional. Thank god I had materia with me or you would be dead." He sniffs softly, rubbing at his eye, frustrated at the tears. I lift one hand shakily, brushing the tears away with my thumb.

"So you're my savior now? I'm just another person saved by our hero, Mr. Cloud Strife." I smirk slightly, cupping his cheek. Cloud frowns, eyeing me.

"Did you mean it? What you said before you passed out?" He looks uncertain, eyebrows furrowed slightly. I rack my brain, trying to remember the words. My eyes widen slightly—did I tell him I loved him? I said it, out loud, and he was there? I bite my lip softly, nervously. Cloud's face darkens, eyes going cold. I stiffen slightly, brows furrowing.

"Cloud…" I trail off, not knowing what to say. Words like that carry a lot of weight for a guy like me. There're only two people I truly _love_ in this world, and that's my little brother, and Cloud. But Cloud doesn't know that. Cloud…he told me he loves me, and he didn't ask for anything in return. I know it disappointed him, me not saying it right back, but I wanted to really know that I _meant_ it when I said it. And when I thought I was dying…I meant it. It was my last confession on earth, or so I thought. I pull Cloud to me, kissing him softly, arms wrapped around him.

"Cloud, I love you." I whisper, a slight smile on my face. Cloud looks at me doubtfully. "I do, okay? I mean it. I'm not screwing around with you." I put on my serious face, eyeing him. "I wouldn't lie about that, you know." Cloud's expression softens, shifting to lie next to me in the bed.

"I thought you were going to die, Reno." He says softly, head tucked under my chin. I hold him closer. Well, honestly, so did I, Cloud. I mean, for fucks sake, I thought I was in some cheap sector of heaven! But no, Reno doesn't admit these sorts of things. I smirk, chuckling softly.

"Cloudy-kins," I drawl, sounding snarky, "I don't _die_. I'm a fucking cockroach, remember?"

* * *

A/n: Reno, my lovely muse, and the perverbial cockroach. /grins/

Reno/glowers, grumbling/

Oh, he loves all the trouble I put him through. And the fluff..and the crying. He's my favorite.


	35. Imperfect Hero

There are a lot of things "hero-of-the-world" Cloud Strife isn't good at.

Like making pancakes.

Seriously. The fucker almost burned down my kitchen, and then forced me to eat the charred, black, doughy disks that were our "breakfast". And I ate them with a smile. Well, a smile and complaints of possible food poisoning.

Cloud can't carry a tune to save his life.

Funnily enough, he still tries…though not in front of people. See, he has this habit of singing in the shower, when he thinks no one is listening. But, as we know, this is _me_; he's showering in my apartment, so of course I'm going to be standing outside the door, pondering the idea of jumping in and molesting him. Oddly…it's kind of…cute.

Cloud has something in common with most ten year old boys.

He can't tie a tie. No joke. We had to look nice for a friend's wedding, and the dobe stalked out of the bedroom, tie untied, and declared that he wasn't going. It took lots of prodding and blushing, but he finally confessed that he didn't know how to tie it, and he didn't want to embarrass himself. I was the one to sigh, kiss him, and show him how. He's still terrible at it, honestly, but I guess it makes him more human.

Facial expressions are still a feat for him.

Well, I say that as a joke, but it's kind of true. He still sometimes will only give me the patented Strife 'almost-smile' instead of a real one. He frowns more than he laughs, but when he does, it's…well, for a lack of a better word, it's beautiful. The best though, is the fact that he can't raise one eyebrow, no matter how hard he tries. He tries to mirror me when I do it, but ends up frustrated, in turn making him horny, which in turn gets me jumped—hence why I give him the single arched eyebrow _often_.

He has one true weakness.

Babies. The kid can't resist a cute, cooing baby. Put one in his arms, and he turns to goo. It's kind of disheartening, to see a guy who's killed Sephiroth (and multiple times, too) turn into some defenseless, melted sap over a little baby. But I guess its okay—until he looked at me with this big, bright smile and asked me if I'd ever want kids, which scared the shit out of me. I mean, he might as well have asked me if I wanted to be the one to get _pregnant_ or something. It was hard enough for me to raise my little bro, let alone have one of my own. But maybe, one day…if it'll make Cloud smile like that again.

Cloud can't resist, when it comes to the important things.

Like me. He can't say no to my pouty, guilty face. It's a face that's become common in the household, since I'm always fucking up something _somehow_, every other day, sometimes more. I mean, most of the time, I don't even know what I've done wrong to make him upset, but one guilty, apologetic pout, and I'm forgiven. Well, the forgiveness also usually requires me being uke for the night as punishment, but if it means Cloud doesn't cut my head off, everything's alright. Plus, if we keep it just between us, I don't really _mind_ the punishment…

* * *

A/n: Credit goes to my lurvely Bea for the inspiration on this--Cloud's inherant inablility to cook pancakes. 

I'm still not fully happy with it...but meh. I hope you are. Inspiration for next chapter? I dont' want Musings to diiie...:pouts:


	36. Tricky, Sneaky, Scary SOLDIER

I must be really drunk. That's the only explanation for this. Though, usually when you black out, things are _black_, not white. And this place…this is fucking white. No horizon, just white everywhere. Last thing I remember was falling asleep, and now I'm here? What kinda trick is this shit? Suddenly, I hear a faint noise behind me, and a soft, low growl. Suddenly my head feels like someone's taken a sledgehammer to it, and I'm on the ground.

"What the _fuck_?!" I growl, clutching my head, standing to face my attacker. The face was one I didn't expect. Spiky, black hair, tall, muscular figure, narrowed, suspicious blue eyes. "Zack?" If my jaw wasn't already slack, it was now.

"Yeah." He nods curtly. "It's me." He takes my shirt collar, eyes locking onto mine, searching them for some answer. I hold back a squeak, forgetting how intimidating SOLDIERs can be, let alone ones who are supposed to be _dead_.

"Uh…" I trail off, sounding like a dumbass. Zack rolls his eyes slightly, scoffing, muttering something that sounds like 'TURKs'. He lets go of my collar, running a hand through his hair, seeming finding the words he wants to say.

"Sinclair…" He pauses, frowning. His voice softens, going lower. "He…you're…" He sighs frustratedly, scratching at the back of his neck. He looks up, finally meeting my eyes. "You better be fucking treating him well from now on, or I'm gonna do worse than punch you in the face, alright? Just 'cause I'm dead doesn't mean that I'm not going to make sure Cloud's happy, okay?" His brows furrow slightly. I frown, arching a brow.

"Hold on one sec here." I cock my head to the side. "What the fuck did I do _wrong_?" Zack sighs a little, mirroring the look.

"You're sleeping in some other guy's bed right now, you know, instead of being with him…and Cloud's worried sick, but won't admit it because he thinks caring about you makes him weaker." Zack shrugs with one shoulder, looking frustrated. I arch a brow, rubbing at my temple.

"Shit…I must have gotten _really_ drunk tonight. This dream is really fucking messed up. I'm getting scolded by my…" I pause, not knowing what exactly Cloud _was_ to me. "By Cloud's ex-boyfriend, who's _dead_? Must have been some really good shit." Just as I finish speaking, I feel another blow land to my temple, swiftly followed by one to my stomach. I grunt, doubling over, holding my stomach, looking up at the bastard with eyes narrowed. He arches an eyebrow at me.

"You're not dreaming, asshole." He shakes his head, letting out a sigh. "Believe me now?" He cracks the knuckles on his right hand, watching me straighten with a slight wince. I merely nod, eyeing him suspiciously. He frowns, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I can't be there for Cloud anymore—not like you can. He's starting to come back out of his shell because of you." His look goes a little nostalgic, smiling slightly. "He smiles with you, you know. It reminds me of when he was younger." He looks at me, eyes sharp again. "I loved him, you know. Still do. I'll be damned if I let _anyone_ hurt him. So shape the fuck up, Reno, or else, alright?" His eyes narrow, looking intimidating, and I try not to gulp. I nod swiftly.

"Yeah. I promise." I wriggle out from his grasp, wishing this whole crazy thing would just end. Zack nods slightly, satisfied with my answer. He gives me a last bop upside my head, and the pure white of my new world fading. My eyes open to the blackness of a bedroom, soft hair tickling my nose. My head throbs—a clear sign of my previous meeting with a bottle of vodka. I arch an eyebrow, looking down blearily at the blonde cuddled against my chest.

"Sonofabitch...The fucker lied to me to make that promise--I was with Cloud the whole time!" I grumble, hand automatically going to stroke through the spiky hair. Cloud snuggles against me, mumbling softly, half awake.

"Mmm…happy. Think we'll have pancakes for breakfast." I groan softly, eyes closing, trying to calm my now stomach, unsettled at the thought of eating Cloud's inedible pancakes. 'Well, at least it'll make him happy, right Zack?'

* * *

A/n: Whooooo, another chapter. I give credit to echo-waters for being my inspiration for this chapter. Nice idea, and kudos to youuuu! Hope it turned out to your liking. 

I'm not totally satisfied with it, but it was fun to let Zacky-kins beat up Reno. XD

I've got inspiration for the next two chapters, since you guys have been giving so many ideas lately...but if you have any more, don't feel shy! Review and let me knooooow!

Much love,

Bo


	37. Musings Discovered

Cloud shuffled around the kitchen, cleaning dishes, humming off tune in the now empty apartment. He shook his head as he picked up Reno's plate from that morning, covered in half eaten, burnt looking pancakes. Just as he moved to put the plate in the sink, a flash of black leather caught Cloud's eye. It was Reno's black, leather bound journal.

Now, knowing Reno, it was odd for him to own something so sleek and refined looking—but it most definitely belonged to him. He never let the thing out of his sight, and was often seen writing in it at odd times, especially when he was supposed to be doing paperwork. Cloud attempted to raise an eyebrow, face ending up looking smooshed and confused. He sat down at the table, fingers ghosting over the smooth black leather, toying with the idea of reading the contents. 'I mean, it's _just_ a journal. Nothing out of the ordinary, right?'

He opened the first page, reading over the scrawly handwriting carefully.

_Musings of a Redhead_

Cloud again made another feeble attempt at an eyebrow arch. 'Musings of a Redhead?' Cloud snorted at the title, smirking. 'Nice one, Reno.' Cloud flipped through a few more pages of drabble, mostly about work, bitching about Tseng and Rufus moaning loudly in the office, mundane little things like that—until he saw his name, written on a single line of a page: a one lined entry….

_I think I'm in love with Cloud._

Cloud's eyes widened slightly, flipping over more pages, wondering what else the redhead had written in this thing. Cloud's eyebrows furrowed, seeing Reno struggle with his feelings, write about Cloud finding him in that bathroom, about Rufus teasing him, about him working through trying to figure out what was really going on in Cloud's head.

Cloud sighed, feeling a bit guilty for putting Reno through all of these steps. He knew he was complicated, and sometimes a flat out mess, but he valued every minute that Reno spent chipping away at his emotional walls. For the first time in a long time, he was really _happy_, right where he was. He felt loved again.

Cloud flipped to the more recent pages, gawking at Reno's occasional explicit descriptions of their sex life, getting a little bit flustered. He flipped further on, eyes widening, mouth growing into a smirk, finding the last entry. It was a letter, written to him, from Reno.

_Cloud,_

_I know I'm never going to send this, because…well, honestly because I'm scared shitless what you'd think of me. Have I gone all soft and cuddly? What the fuck happened to the Reno Sinclair we used to love to hate? You killed him._

_The minute I really took a good look at you, I wanted you. I'd never really lusted after something like I did after you. Only problem was, you were near unattainable. I tried my hardest to get on your good side, while still being the ever obnoxious, intruding redhead that I am. _

_The first time I kissed you, I think my brain shut off. Now, given that I kinda sorta forced myself on you, I probably wasn't thinking in the first place—but it was so good. It felt perfect. Weirdest thing was, you were kissing me back. You wanted me, too. Fate was finally on my side, right?_

_Our first time was unplanned…most definitely. I had no idea why I showed up at your place, other than I couldn't stay away. All I wanted was to make you mine and mine alone. It was dirty, and messy and sweaty—and it was perfect._

_Falling in love with you…that wasn't part of the plan either. I mean, me falling for the Cloud Strife? What kind of bullshit is that? That's what I kept telling myself, when I first realized it. How would this ever work out?_

_Somehow, I think we've got luck and fate on our side. Well, besides the whole near death experiences and things like that. Pretty much, Cloud, I love you more than anything in the world, and all I ever want is to wake up next to you every morning. I hope, maybe, one day, I can have the nerve to give this to you, and really let you know that's how I feel. Until then, I'm content to just whisper it into your ear when you're asleep, like I usually do: I love you, Cloud. You are my world._

_Love,_

_Reno._

Cloud's heart beat quickly in his chest, re-reading the note, eyes wide. 'This…Reno _wrote_ this? He really loves me that much?' Cloud's eyebrows arched high, a soft smile on his lips as he read over the last few sentences repeatedly, soaking in the words, memorizing them. Suddenly, a soft gasp sounded in front of him, followed by a growl.

"Cloud, you better not be doing what I think you're doing." Reno's voice rang out sharply into the silence of the kitchen. Cloud's head snapped up, looking into green-blue eyes. He immediately, without thinking, kissed the redhead in front of him, trying to show all of his love and passion through his lips. Tongues caressed and explored, hands stroked and massaged, voices joined in low moans. Pulling back slowly, Cloud leaned his forehead against Reno's.

"Reno…" He said softly, mulling over the right words. Reno merely opened his eyes, watching him carefully at their close range. Cloud smiled, knowing that the perfect words were ones he had just recently memorized; only needing to be whispered softly, lovingly.

"I love you, Reno. You are my world."

* * *

A/n: Creeeedit for le inspiration goes to our lovely Toons. See, I've always thought of this as a kind of journal-esque thing as well, one that either contains things that Reno's written about, or stories that he will enter into his journal. Cloud finally gets a look into Reno's head, and it ended up _hella hella fluffy_. But hey, who doesn't like fluff every once and a while, ne? Next chapter...mmm...Next chapter may well be lemony...to the tune of Reno and Cloud's first time together:claps hands: Yes, yes, I know I haven't done it yet, and there hasn't been a citrusy chapter in a while. So look out for it, my lovelies! 

Much love,  
Bo


	38. Under the Influence of You

"What the fuck am I doing?" I grumbled to myself, hands shoved in my pockets, searching desperately for a cigarette. As I lit up, I centered my thoughts, and my unstable, drunken form against a brick wall. I exhaled, watching the elegant swirl of smoke ascend and spiral out into the night sky. It was hopeless. I shouldn't have even come this far.

Blame it on the alcohol. Blame it on coincidence. Blame it on a momentary lapse in judgment (and we all know I've had quite a few of those). Blame it on the fact that it was a Friday night and I had jack shit to do. You could blame it on any or all of those things, and it wouldn't change the fact that I'm leaning against a brick wall, opposite of Cloud Strife's new digs, a teeny bit pissed (alright, I was _drunk_). I couldn't take my eyes off the front door, toe poking at the pebbles on the road, ever the picture of one contemplating man.

The question was…well…what _was_ the question? It could be one of many, really.

Why am I here?

Why doncha just go back home?

Why the fuck did it have to be Strife's place?

Why the fuck am I having these urges?

Why does he have to be so goddamn irresistible?

Why am I so out of control—without judgment and better sense?

Did it have to be tonight, of all nights?

Why can't I stay away?

Words and words flowed through my sluggish brain, and as the cigarette was stubbed out under my heel, my questioning mind found one conclusion.

I took the last swig from the bottle in my hand, letting it slide down my hand and fall softly into the waiting trashbin below. I stared placidly at that godforsaken front door, sliding up the wall. I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth and stalked over to his door. Yes, stalked, not slid or sauntered. Today I was on a mission. I was going to get what I wanted, no matter what it took. I was going to make him _mine_, and mine alone.

I knocked on the door sharply. I hardly waited for the door to open a crack before I pushed my way in and closed the door with my own foot. My hands were busy pinning a toned, blonde man to said door.

" Reno—" He looked angry. Well, he sounded angry, but he looked more intrigued than anything. Who wouldn't be, with a drunk, redheaded Turk bashing into your apartment and pinning you against the front door? His next words came out slow and even, looking up into my eyes, with brows furrowed. "What the _fuck_ are you doing?" I took this opportunity to lean in, tongue trailing slowly along the shell of his ear. I felt Cloud shudder softly under me, eyes closing, then opening quickly. " Reno." His voice is low, warning. But I know I haven't gone too far yet. The line hasn't been crossed—I mean, _fuck_…the line hasn't even been _drawn _yet.

* * *

a/n: Whaaaaaa? Oh yes, it's a teaser. Because the next part will be much bigger and better, but I had to put something out so you lovelies know that Musings IS NOT DEAD. It dies when I say so. And I say nay, it is not dead. I'm tres pissed at ff dot net right now, being that I had this artsy fartsy way of lining up the questions, and it's totally not working. Damn. :pout: 

I'm working on the next bit tonight, so we'll see if that's up within the next couple o' days. Or maybe even tonight, if true inspiration hits me!

Oh, title stolen from James Morrison song: Under the Influence


	39. Desire Fulfilled

A/n: Let the citrusy goodness commence! It's Part II! If you haven't read Pt. I, please, oh please, read chapter 38. Oh, and this 'first time' plotbunny credit goes to the lovely, lovely DarkNite109!

* * *

I licked his lower lip slowly, nibbling gently, playfully testing the waters. Pulling back slightly, my hand toyed with the hem of his shirt— 

Teasing,

Testing,

Asking,

Hoping,

Wishing,

Waiting…

He looked at me, eyes opening, half lidded, lust filled, like all he needed was to be fucked into the ground…and God knows I was willing to do just that.

And just my luck, he took that moment to come back to reality. His eyes opened wide, mouth turning into a slight frown.

"Reno…" He paused for a second. I took the opportunity to grind slowly against him, fingers sliding under the shirt, splaying across his stomach, stroking ever so slightly.

"I've left ya so speechless that all you can say is my name, hmm?" I looped two fingers into his belt loops, pulling his hips flush against mine. "I want you…" I murmured, low, needy, husky, and fierce. I needed him to understand. He _had_ to understand. He was going to be _mine_. I wanted him more than anything. I needed to touch him, feel him, _have_ him…make my fantasy tangible.

"You're drunk." The words, so matter of fact, shattered through my lust filled brain in a soft, slow tone. I didn't know whether to be angry or disappointed. I thought of a million witty quips to reply to it, but none of them would escape my lips. I planted a hand on the door next to his head, leaning against it slightly. I looked at him, desperation slowly crossing my features.

"I'm only drunk because I knew I was too much of a pussy to do this sober," I trailed off slightly, voice turning softer, timbre low and gentle. "…Cloud." I cursed myself internally as his eyebrows raised at the use of his first name. I counter before he can rattle off some comment, hips pressing closer, lips meeting his needily, praying that he'd just shut up and tell me yes or no.

I was done waiting.

I was done thinking and mulling it over. I didn't give a fuck what other people thought about it.

I wanted him.

I _needed_ him, more than anything, and I needed him _now_.

A soft, low groan came from under me, lips parting slowly, body pressing back against mine, hearts racing, my body hot and restless.

We made quick work of our shirts, lips barely parting more than necessary. I played with the button on his pants, pulling him by his belt loops through the apartment until we found his bedroom. I pushed him onto his bed, stripping him, kissing and nipping and savoring every inch of skin.

I rose up, eyes hooded, licking my lips languidly as I slowly stripped the last of those godforsaken clothes, the last barrier between us. Cloud surely enjoyed the show, from the way he reacted. He was hard and stroking himself slowly, body taught in anticipation, need, lust. He sat up, hands resting at my hips, fingers stroking slowly.

A moment of hesitation passed his features before he shook it off, taking my cock in his hand and stroking ever so slowly, tongue flicking out playfully over the head, teasing, drawing out the time until the thing we both really wanted. I let him take his time, savoring every moment, knowing that surely I was going to wake up from another one of my dreams soon, that this was too good to be true.

I twined a hand gently through his hair, stilling him silently. I pushed him back onto the bed, laying flush against him, hips grinding slowly, both of us moaning gently at the friction.

"Reno…_please_…" The voice sounded better than I could imagine, so low and needy and husky…and it was for me. He wanted me. He needed me just like I needed him.

I slid a few fingers into his mouth, his tongue sliding and licking seductively around them, getting them slick. I bit my lip gently, holding in a moan, reveling at how utterly seductive the blonde was. It took all my nerve not to fuck him, without prep, right then and there. I slid a finger inside him slowly, hooking it gently, stretching him, licking and nipping at his neck. He mewled and writhed as I slid in another finger, so willing, wanting it so badly.

"R-Reno…stop…stop teasing…" His breath hitched as I scissor the fingers, sliding in a third. He grit his teeth slightly in agitation, looking at me, lusty and forceful. "Fuck me." He didn't need to ask twice.

I slid into position, kissing and nipping up his body. I pressed a searing kiss to his lips as sliding inside him, groaning low in my throat at the tight heat that enveloped my cock.

"_Fuck_…" I got out, sounding half intelligible. "Better…than I imagined. So much better." I thrust experimentally, slowly, getting a soft mewl in response, his hips rolling to meet my thrust. He wanted it, and he wanted it badly. I set up a steady pace, letting him adjust to the intrusion. He didn't want it soft, he didn't want nice and sweet. He wanted it rough and hard and he needed it now. His hips rolled roughly towards me, cock twitching, growling gently. I took my cue, thrusting hard and fast into him, eliciting a loud moan from him, eyes closed tight, lips parted.

I could feel myself getting closer and closer, nearing the edge from the sheer eroticism that is Cloud Strife. I slowly reached a hand between us, stroking him in time with my thrusts, muffling his moans with my mouth. Our movements started to get more erratic, brains taken over with desire. Cloud let out a low, guttural moan, hips jerking softly, cumming over our chests, clenching around me. I couldn't take any more—I had reached my limit. I let out a roar, cumming inside him with a rough, slow thrust.

I collapsed on top of him, sliding out slowly, both of us panting breathlessly. I rolled off of him, bodies sticky with sweat and Cloud's cum, brains still trying to comprehend what had just happen. What do we do now? Do I just…get up, put my clothes on and say "Thanks for the fuck"? No. I didn't want that. For once in my life, I didn't want to cum and run. The one place I wanted to be was right here. But did _Cloud_ want me here?

My answer came in the most innocent of motions. Cloud looked up, eyes opened slightly, half smiling. He placed a sloppy kiss on my lips, leaning into me, head on my chest.

"What took you so long…?" He murmured, hand splayed across my stomach, voice slow, and slightly slurred, tired, content.

"Who knows, Cloud…who knows…" I kissed the top of his head. He nuzzles slightly, and I smirked. I just saw _the_ Cloud Strife nuzzle somebody. Cloud Strife just snuggled me. He tipped his chin up, looking at me carefully with droopy, tired eyes.

"Stay?" He said softly, sounding slightly desperate, surprisingly. I nodded, kissing him gently, hand stroking through his hair as he lays his head back on my chest.

"As long as you want me to." I say softly. Cloud murmurs, half asleep, half aware of his words.

"Guess you'll be here a while, then…" I smile gently, pulling the covers over us, eyes closing. His breathing steadied, drifting slowly into sleep. I whisper softly, saying words I couldn't say in the light, to those clear, breathtaking eyes.

"I'd stay forever if you asked."

* * *

A/n: How the hell did that end up so fluffy? Ah, who knows. They felt fluffy today. And like having hot sex. Or at least I hope it ended up that way! XD 

A one day turn-around for the citrusy chapter. Whoot. Had a good song. Bright Eyes "Lover I don't Have to Love". Perfect line--"I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full." Feels like a fitting line for how Reno is about our Cloudy-kins. Or at least that's how my Reno is. X3

I've got the inspiration for the big 4-0 from our lovely belle.nisce...and it's actually already written! I'll get it up sometime. Just wanted to tease you with it! Review, review, review, lovelies! Oh, and any plotbunnies are taken seriously...and most often written! Just ask my many lovely reader-muses who've gotten their plotbunny published!


	40. Disaster Strikes

Tseng looked over what was left of the building that used to be the largest supermarket in Midgar, arms crossed, one brow arched elegantly. The building had been reduced to a pile of smoldering rubble, the slightest scent of burnt rubber on the air, bits of wall still standing, but most demolished. Looking to the culprits, the smooth Wutainese man arched the brow higher.

"What the hell happened here?" He asked, looking pointedly between Cloud and Reno, decidedly giving Reno an accusatory glare. Reno looked near to pouting.

"Aw, c'mon boss! Why d'ya always think it's _my_ fault?" Reno blurted out, hands raised, brows furrowed. Cloud scoffed.

"That's cause it _is_ always your fault, jackass." He muttered, crossing his arms. Reno growled, readying to pummel the blonde. Tseng raised a hand, halting the potential scuffle.

"Just please, tell me what happened?"

"Well…"

(Cue flashback music/waves)

* * *

Thirty minutes earlier 

"Aw, c'mon Cloud, fuck that plain shit! This one has marshmallows!" The redhead lifted a box of cereal in one hand, showing it. Reno then lifted the other in turn. "Or this one…because this shit's amazing. Tastes _just_ like strawberries." Cloud waved a hand dismissively. He was used to letting Reno have his way when the Turk decided to join him grocery shopping. It was better to do that and not have to deal with the bitching and whining.

As Cloud ticked off items on his list, he got to the last item: shampoo. He pushed the cart down the isle, coming to pick up his usual shampoo, throwing it into the basket. Reno plucked the bottle from the basket, looking at it with a brow arched.

"You're not seriously buying this." He said, sneering slightly, putting the bottle back on the shelf. He started to move down a few feet, poking at bottles, looking.

"It's _just_ shampoo, Reno." Cloud rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. Reno frowned at him.

"_Just _shampoo, Cloud? **_Just_ **shampoo?" Reno scoffed, rolling his eyes. He pointed at his hair. "How d'ya think I've got such nice, enviable hair?" He doesn't pause for an answer. "Because I use the right shampoo and conditioner! Hair care is a very important thing, you know." He rolled his eyes again, going back to looking through the seemingly endless row of shampoo choices. Cloud snickered. Reno's eyes shot up to him. "What's so goddamn funny?" Cloud grins at the sharp reply.

"That was the gayest thing you've ever said." Cloud smirked, chuckling softly as Reno straightens, brows narrowing.

"Are you insulting my masculinity? Are you insulting my _hair_, Strife?!" He stalked over, frowning.

"And what if I am?" Cloud crossed his arms, smirking wider. "It's not _that_ great, anyway…" He said, teasingly

"Oh, you bastard…you've fucking crossed the line, asshole." Reno whipped out his EMR from his pocket, readying a charge. Cloud eyes widened, dodging a blow. This was _not_ going to end up well.

* * *

"So pretty much, that bastard overreacted and tried to kill me. Again. And I had to protect myself…which…uh…lead to this." Cloud gestured to the desolated shop. Reno scratched his neck, frowning. 

"If you hadn't provoked me…" He grumbled. Tseng merely rolled his eyes.

"This is coming out of your paycheck, you know." He said smoothly, ignoring Reno's groans. Reno frowned softly, looking over at Cloud.

"This doesn't mean I'm not moving in, right? I can still move in?" He looked hopeful, apologetic. Cloud caved, sighing heavily.

"Fine. But you know, after this, you get the uke punishment. A month. If I'm feeling nice." Cloud turned on his heel, walking briskly in the direction of the apartment with the groceries, the two finally being allowed to go. Reno smirked, having, in the end, getting just what he wanted, as always.

* * *

A/n: Plotbunny credit to belle.nisce! 

A fun comedy filler. I kinda sorta copped out on a fight scene...but trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to read it. XP

Plotbunnies! Need them! We must keep my Musings ALIVE! We've gotten to 40 after all...I mean, this thing'll live as long as I keep getting ideas, and you guys are a pivotal reason it's been going on so long!


	41. Scotch Therapy with a Shinra

"You're loosing your edge." The glass of scotch is pushed in front of my face, held by slender fingers. I roll my eyes and take it, downing most in one swig, hissing slightly. The intruding figure settles next to me, stretching out long legs, crossing one over the other.

"What the fuck's that supposed to mean, sir?" I slug the rest of the drink back, finding the half empty bottle nearby. He always knew one drink wasn't enough for me. He swirls the drink in the glass contemplatively, smirking slightly.

"Still using formalities, Reno? How polite." He takes a small sip. I sigh softly, rubbing a temple.

"C'mon, get the point, Rufus. What the fuck are you getting at?" These meetings were getting more frequent. It was almost like it was our little ritual: I was outside, sitting, thinking over life and the like, and Rufus just shows up out of nowhere with a glass of scotch for the both of us. He then proceeds to show how goddamn perceptive he is. Sometimes it seems like he's psychic, for god's sake. Rufus chuckles softly, looking out into the setting sun.

"You're loosing your edge. Once upon a time, you were a sarcastic, obnoxious, grating redhead that I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes. Ever since you've started swooning over your Strife, you've gone soft. It's actually mildly enjoyable to have a drink with you, in all honesty." He takes another sip, smirking.

"Aw, I'm _touched_, sir." The sarcasm dripped from the words as I lit a new cigarette. I took a swig from the bottle of overly expensive scotch, and Rufus scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"You could at least use the _glass_, Reno." I pour the glass full, swallowing down a large gulp. I hiss at the burn, putting down the bottle. Rufus shakes his head, chuckling softly. He was always amused by my lack of grace. But hey, you know what they say: once from the slums, always from the slums. I can't help the fact that I don't know the difference between a salad fork and a fish fork. Who the fuck cares, in all honesty? I finally give in, letting out what I'm thinking about, using Rufus as a sort of pseudo-psychiatrist.

"We're turning into some lovey-dovey couple. I swear…" I run a hand through my hair, sighing. Rufus nods, sipping his drink before stealing a cigarette. "I dunno what's happening to us. Sometimes I feel like such a girl, ya know? It's kind of depressing." I mutter the last bit, lighting the cigarette for him. He nods in thanks.

"But the sex is still good?" He says nonchalantly, taking a slow drag, cigarette poised elegantly between his fingers. I snort slightly.

"Oh yeah. Sex is great." I smirk, sipping my drink. "Strife's a minx." Rufus chuckles softly, finishing the cigarette. He puts it out under his shoe, taking the last sip of his scotch.

"Reno, count your blessings, for god's sake. It could be worse. You have your ups and downs, but you'll work through them. You'll pull through, just so long as you still have good sex to look forward to." He pats my shoulder before standing. I arch an eyebrow.

"And why d'ya sound like such a fuckin' expert, sir?" I counter. He smirks, moving towards the door.

"How do you think Tseng's managed to stay with me for so long?" He winks. "I may be an asshole, but I've got my own talents that keep him coming back." I wrinkle my nose at the thought of the two fucking. I down the rest of my scotch quickly, hissing loudly. Rufus laughs softly, shaking his head as he opens the door.

"Go back to Strife's and fuck him senseless, alright?" A small grin begins to form on my lips at the thought. "Goodnight, Reno."

"Don't fuck the boss too hard, Rufus. We don't want an unintelligibleTseng tomorrow, ya know?" Rufus smirks, nodding as he goes inside. I laugh softly, finishing my cigarette. "Today didn't end up so bad after all." I say to no one in particular, thoroughly considering taking the President's advice. He_ is_ my boss, after all, and I'm not one to disobey an order like _that_.

* * *

A/n: Part of my ongoing mission to get back Cloud and Reno's balls. Too much fluff, not enough manlyness. Scotch drinking and calling your boyfriend a minx? Manlyness. XD 

I'm still kinda "meh" on it, but I hope you like it! Tell me I'm wrong! I just really wanted another Rufus cameo, for I do love him so.

Chapter 42 involves Reno's forgetfulness and our lovely Lifstream!Zack. Don't know when it'll be up, since my internet has been a bitch.

I'd still like more plotbunnies, if you have them! Plotbunnies? Anyone?


	42. Birthday Surprise?

I feel a sharp smack to the back of my head as I land in this now familiar white landscape.

"You forgot his birthday, you dick." Zack's voice had now become ever so familiar.

"No I fuckin' didn't. It's in…two days." I rub the spot on my head, scowling.

"It was today, you goddamn prick!" The tall, intimidating man growls, arms crossed over his chest. I scrunch my eyebrows, thinking hard. No, I was sure it was two days. Absolutely sure. Not that I'm usually any good with that sort of thing…but yeah, I was sure. Two days from now.

It was now that Zack was kind enough to bring us from the endless whiteness into a more familiar setting—a nameless bar. Guess the dead like to keep their guests comfortable…or something like that.

The seemingly-alive Soldier orders us a few drinks, and sits next to me at the bar. A calendar appears from nowhere, landing gracefully in Zack's hand. He points to a circled date, with "Cloud's Birthday" written in a slightly legible scrawl. I wince slightly after reading closer. Yup, it was today.

"Fuck." I mutter, rubbing my temple. Zack sighs softly, placing the calendar on the bar.

"S'probably why he didn't want to have sex with you tonight," He murmurs, sipping his drink, a slight smirk playing at the corners of his lips. I scowl, taking a gulp of the stuff placed in front of me. "_I_ never forgot his birthday, you know…" Zack says, smirking full out, casually taunting me. I growl softly, teeth clenching.

"Fuck you, Zack." I mumble, taking another big gulp. Zack smiles kindly, putting a hand on my back.

"Don't worry about it, Reno. I know just the present you should give him. Just make it seem like you planned it the whole time, you know?" He whips out flowers, a box of chocolate and a wrapped box. I arch an eyebrow. He smiles, "C'mon, Reno. I'm just trying to be helpful here!"

Now, honestly, I have reason to not trust Zack. He likes to mess with me. It's probably just because it's a fun way to get back at Cloud's new boyfriend and amuse himself while in the Lifestream. But at this point, if I totally forget Cloud's birthday, he's gonna be bitchy for…at _least_ a week or two. So I'm willing to take the guy's goddamn gifts and get the hell out of here. I nod slowly, and then smirk outright.

"Take me home, you crazy bastard." Zack grins and gives a little half wave. I suddenly find myself back in bed, the presents in my hand. I arch an eyebrow. This Lifestream travel shit is creepy as hell, I swear. I shake off the feeling and turn, shaking Cloud's shoulder gently with my free hand. He grumbles, and then opens an eye halfway. I smile broadly.

"Happy Birthday, Cloudy-kins…" I push the flowers and chocolates toward him. He sits up, surprised yet still slightly groggy.

"Thought you forgot…" He mumbles, smiling softly, rubbing at his eyes. I shake my head.

"Nah, I wouldn't do that! Just wanted to surprise you, ya know?" He nods slowly, looking at the package in my hands. He then tries desperately to arch an eyebrow as a silent question. I smirk, pushing it into his hands with a hopeful look in my eyes.

Cloud reaches into the hastily opened package and out comes—a dog collar? I try desperately to keep a calm look on my face, knowing that this _can't_ be going where I think its going. Cloud quickly unpacks the box: handcuffs, a whip, leather thong, whipped cream, a leather teddy, a cock ring, and a harness. Cloud's brows furrow tightly, looking a mix of angry and amused, but sadly not much of the latter. He plops the empty box down on the floor and looks at the spread.

"Uh…" He starts, scratching his neck. "You care to explain this, Reno?" He looks at me, lips set in a thin line. I wince slightly.

"Well, you see, I just wanted to…erm…make the evening interesting?" I mentally smack myself for that line, and for trusting that traitor. Cloud's expression darkens, and I'm waiting for an ass kicking.

What I got was a blonde, highly energetic blonde pouncing on me. My eyes fly open, and all I see are deep blue orbs. I squeak out a noise of confusion. Cloud holds up a set the handcuffs, swiftly attaching one of my arms to the bedpost before I could protest.

"You said you wanted an interesting evening, right?"

* * *

A/n: Yay for sexually driven comedy! And yay for Zacky-poo! XD 

Oddly, last chapter waspretty popular, but had very few reviews! I hope I get some feedback on this one. Oh, yeah, and some plotbunnies, if you have them:P

So with the five minutes I have of interent connection I have for who knows how long, I post this mo-fo and check for urgent e-mails. So whoot, I'm going on vacation. Be back in a week, and hopefully with some Musings! X3


	43. The Passing of Time

A/n: Stupid ff-net, not letting me upload any documents for forever. -sigh- Anyways, on with the show!

* * *

The more I try to avoid him, the more we're drawn together. The attraction is nearing undeniable status. Not that knowing this means I'm going to drop down on a knee and confess my undying love to him. Because, c'mon. Who really does that? 

_Instincts are misleading…_

I'm not sure what this feeling is. What it means. What I'm supposed to do. I told Rude I thought I my fucked up lifestyle might be getting to me, screwing with my heart or something, because of this dull, unending ache. Rude, being Rude, only rolled his eyes.

_You shouldn't think what you're feeling…_

I suppose this is what need feels like. This aching in my chest…the way it subsides around him. So does that mean I want him? Or does this really mean the bastard's ripped apart my common sense to the point that I can't think straight? Because Reno's no sucker. No love struck puppy. You bet your ass I'm not.

_They don't tell you what you know you should want…_

But at some point….I'd do anything to make this aching feeling go away…and I suppose giving in might not be the worst thing in the world

* * *

…Years Later… 

_Love of mine, someday you will die, but I'll be close behind and follow you into the dark…_

Years of happiness. It wasn't exactly what I expected. Perhaps this is all just a very detailed dream I had one day. A far fetched dream of living happily with a blonde I couldn't keep myself away from.

_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white, Just our hands clasped so tight, Waiting for the hint of a spark…_

I'd like to go in my sleep. Once upon a time, I wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, known forever with a tag like "the Great" or "the Honorable" or something attached to my name. Now, I don't really see the point of it. A martyrs death isn't one for me anymore. Once, when I was headstrong and, to put it bluntly, stupid, it would have been. But now, if I died with a blonde curled in my arms, spikes of hair tickling my nose? I'd be happy.

_If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied, Illuminate the "no"'s on their vacancy signs…_

We all have to go sometime. Sometimes we know when it's going to end. Sometimes it's a shock. I don't want to know when I'm going to leave this place, but if anything, I want it to be with him. The day I decided to go for him was the day I left my days of being one single being aside. Now I have him, and he has me, and we'll always be one. No matter how sappy it sounds, it's one of the most comforting thoughts…knowing that you won't be going into the dark alone._  
_  
_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark…  
_

* * *

a/n: I blame Death Cab for this entire fic. Couldn't get two of my favorite songs out of my head. "Lightness" is the first. "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" is the second-it's kinda morbid sounding, in the beginning, but I really think it's a great, different, love song. -beams- Another chapter! Yaaay! Seriously, this is the shortest chapter in...twenty chapters or so, so sorry if anyone feels cheated! DX 

Inspiration? Anyone? -crickets-


	44. A Lack of Color

A/n: So, Death Cab fans. I dare you to count the number of direct references to the song used as inspiration for this fic. –ponder- not that _I _even know how many there are….XD

**Disclaimer:** First one in a while, yeah? Well, first off, I don't own FFVII or the boys. Cause if I did, there'd totally be a sequel by now. Or a TURK game on PS2. Also, _All lyrics used © Death Cab for Cutie_. In whatever form they're used. Though all creative use of these lyrics, aka the writing, _© S. Blyth._ Or Bo, if you prefer it. –wink-

* * *

Let's just add another point on the "Reno's an Asshole" list. 

I have a sneaking suspicion that someone really _has_ begun this list, just to hold against me. But maybe my conspiracy is just the alcohol speaking. Who knows?

All that matters is that I've fucked up again. For the thousandth time, I've fucked up everything. Only thing that's different? This time, he left. And not in one of those, 'I'm angry, so I'm gonna go spend the night away from you' kind of left. I have this sneaking suspicion that this one is for real.

He doesn't think that I really love him. That he's just some sort of pleasant pastime for me. That this is some sort of game. He doesn't understand that I'm so full of feelings, for the first time in a long time, that I don't know what to do with them. I'm not an overly emotional person, and here I am, bursting at the seams with all of these fucking thoughts and feelings. It's pulling me down, turning me inside out. And he doesn't see it. And when I try to convince him that it's there, he merely scoffs.

And says he knows that we'd be better off apart. And bets that I'm probably sleeping with someone else anyway, so what does it matter if he leaves me? I don't really love him anyway, right? It doesn't help that I can't get any words out. My normally witty mind is totally gone, and I couldn't begin to talk about my real emotions. My hard outer shell isn't ready for that.

And such a mixed up situation of painful, new emotions has lead me, after his depart, to the bottle. My friend. The only one who will always be there for me, and never ask any questions. My throat burns slightly as I take another sip, reaching the point of inebriation. It wasn't helping. It wouldn't bring the fucker back, would it?

And now I'm alone, in this empty apartment. It should hold both of us. Worse yet, I'm alone, and still needing some form of release. Damn that kid for getting into a serious discussion just as he was about to seduce me. I'm pondering searching under the bed for some of the porn I know is stashed there…but then, I realize it's useless. All the girls in every girly magazine can't make me feel any less alone. I don't need them. I need him. I have to set things straight.

I look at the watch on my wrist, blinking a few times to get the numbers to focus: 7:03. Not late at all. He'd have to answer. And I'd have to get him to listen. Get him to realize that I'm serious. That I'm not screwing around with him. Just because I can't spew off an "I love you" doesn't mean that I don't care. Because I do. I care enough for it to _scare_ me a little.

_This is fact, not fiction…for the first time in years…_

I reach for the phone, dialing the numbers, trying to get my drunken brain to come together. It rings once, twice, three times. After the second, my brain starts up all of these terrible imaginings of where he could be—off fucking some other guy to get back at me for my alleged cheating, or drunk at Tifa's bar, maybe hurt in an alley somewhere, or might be off, happy to be rid of me… maybe even fucking a _girl_, for fucks sake. The third ring was offsetting—a sign that he wouldn't pick up. Cloud never picked up on the fourth ring. But I still had hope. Maybe, just maybe he—

"This is Cloud. I'm not here, so leave a message." His silky, low tone resonates in my ear. I sigh, waiting for the tone.

"Cloud…" I begin, voice loosing some of its harsh edge. "Please ... come home." I slur my plea, voice begging slightly, into the phone, before hanging up. I lean back into the couch. He wouldn't answer. A dull rage crept over me, clenching my fists. The emotion was futile, though. Anger wouldn't get him to come back. I should have done something. I should have had the balls to say what I thought. Why does this always happen to me, at the worst moment? I just want him to come home. I slump back, rubbing my temples, the anger and regret building in my chest; somehow, I know it's too late.

_I should have given you a reason to stay…_

* * *

_Angggggst! _

a/n: This chapter is for my darling, lovely, amazing EvanNJames. For your enthusiasm for the use of Death Cab in chap 43. And because I heart you ever so much, my fellow Reno/Cloud lover. Your review was total inspiration to finally do this Lack Of Color based chapter. Yay for Death Cab slash Reno/Cloud love! Good taste in music and good taste in yaoi. XD

Soooo...any more inspiration, my lovelies? I hope this chapter was up to snuff. I really love this song, and it tells such a good story that I wanted to do my own spin on it. It was /really/ fun, so if you have any more song inspirations you want to see made into a fic, send 'em along. (Because, let's face it, I'm a music dork.) Or any other good plotbunnies too!

Much love to you all!


	45. Words Left Unsaid

A/n the 1st: Lordy, lordy, lovelies...it's been a while, ne? Well, I'm lucky to have gotten this one out, being that my computer is a big giant bleotch. But yeah. Onward! More angstyangstness!

* * *

A cold bed is something no one wants to wake up to. It was the one thing I feared waking up to. Now it's concrete. He really left. Maybe…then this must really mean… 

_There's nothing worse than when you know that it's over…_

I fuckin' hate regret, but I can't push these thoughts out of my mind. There were so many times I should have said something…something to at least let him know I kindasorta cared about him. I mean, fuck, I wasn't about to proclaim my everlastin' love, or some sappy shit like that. I'm a _guy_, for fuck's sake. But…I could have…

All my thoughts are full of "I should've…I could've…" It hurts my goddamn head. Or maybe that's just all the booze I had last night comin' back to haunt me.

The phone sits in my hand, staring up at me, willing me to dial the numbers. Part of me would rather die. The other part knows I'm killing myself by not. I'll plead temporary insanity on this one, I swear. The fucker made me a goddamn sappy-ass schizoid.

My fingers slide over the numbers, mind screaming to stop, but knowing it was a little too late for that. The ringing is killing me—the waiting, brain chanting over and over to "Pick up the fucking phone, you asshole", but knowing he won't. Knowing he's too fucking stubborn. Knowing he's too much like me—only difference is, I gave in to my sensible side first.

The phone makes a clicking noise at the end of the second ring—my thoughts race: "Did he pick up? What the hell's going on here?" I hear nothing, but know the phone's not ringing anymore…so he must be there…listening. He's letting me say my piece before he tells me he never wants to see me again. That it's over—it's better for the both of us.

The only problem is neither of us says anything. Seconds, minutes, hell, maybe hours pass…and all I can hear is the slight sound of his breathing.

"Cloud…" My voice rasps, shattering the silence. I hear a slight intake of breath over the line, and a slightly sharp exhale—a frustrated sigh. Then nothing. I take a breath, knowing that this is my chance. If I screw up now? Fuck knows if I'll see him again.

"Cloud…" I try my best to not sound desperate, to not rasp out a plea. "Cloud…I didn't…I never wanted to…" I take a breath, unnerved by the silent patience on the other line. "You don't trust me…but…I don't know why we're doing this to each other. Just…" I pause, mulling more, feeling foolish. "Please, don't leave. Don't run away and leave for good. For your good and mine, okay? Cause this is…this is fucking with me. I can't take it much longer." I hear a dejected sigh come over the line.

"Reno." His voice is just as low as ever, just as intoxicating. "Can't you see how dysfunctional we are together? I can't do this anymore. This thing we have? It's killing us both. The more time I see you, the more it hurts—because I know this is a passing thing for you." A pause, his voice coming back, sounding ever slightly sardonic: "Maybe for me too." He pauses again, and I'm nearly too lost in his voice to comprehend the almost poetic way his words are coming to him, let alone what those words mean. This may be the most I've heard him speak in my life. "They say, "Though we have not hit the ground, it doesn't mean we're not still falling", you know?" He lets out a slightly bitter laugh, as if he never expected the phrase to pertain to himself. I open and close my mouth, searching for something to stop him from talking fuckin' nonsense. I know where he's leading. I can't let him go where he's headed with this.

"In the end, it hurts…but we can't. It hurts, but this is the only way." My futile grasps for words end up being in vain. The phone disconnects. My stomach drops. I blink, looking at the phone as if it was a foreign object. He didn't. He didn't just…

And in the end, he leaves me. And in the end, I still couldn't say it. I couldn't say those little words. The ones he wanted to hear. The ones I still _hope_ he wants to hear. The words that I wish I could say. I wish more than anything that I could hold him, and tell him outright—I love you.

_I just need a little of your time…a little of your time to say the words I've never said…_

* * *

A/n the 2nd!: When the hell did this thing become a songfic /and/ a drabble fic? And when did it become so /linear/? -headshake- 

I totally have this feeling that this sucker's getting really repetitive and boring. -le sigh-

Oh well. The two songs for inspiration were "Little of Your Time" and "Nothing Lasts Forever". Almost over a five year fan of the band who does them...and now they've become prey to the teenyboppers. -shudder-

In all honesty, I'm not sure how much longer Musings is going to run. I've kind of grown away from the FFVII genre, but I'm trying my /hardest/ to get this to 50 chapters. The number is daunting, but for you guys? I'll do it. Plus, it's gonna take at least another chapter or two to get these two fixed. XD_  
_


	46. Unchecked Messages

_I don't know why I'm calling you, Strife. You never pick up your phone—especially if it's me. But I was thinking about you…_

_It's raining today._

_Rainy days remind me of you._

_Is that weird? _

_--_

_Cloud…_

_You told me that we're better off this way. What bollocks._

_I'm not okay. I'm not _fine_. It's hard to be like this. Hurts, kinda. And all I can think about is how unfair this bullshit is. Shit like this ain't supposed to happen to a guy like me. I'm a lady-killer, for fuck's sake! I'm an emotionless bastard, smirking, drinking, and fucking my way through life._

_And you had to go make me snivel around like a goddamn girl. You really know how to shoot a guy's pride, hmm?_

_--_

_You're a bastard, you know that?_

_It kills me to wake up without you. It's hard to fall asleep, knowing you're not coming home. You're never coming home. Even, if in the tiniest part of you, you wanted to come home, you wouldn't. Damn us men, and our fucking _pride

_--_

_Cloud…_

_I miss you._

_Come back?_

_I promise I won't make fun of your pancakes anymore._

_Or your singing._

_Or call you a girl when you want to stay in bed on a Saturday all curled up like kittens._

_Just…come home?_

_--_

_I realized something about you today._

_Once upon a time, I thought you were just deceivingly strong and cold, really just fragile and troubled. But now I know you're exactly what I thought you were—cold, emotionless._

_In the end, you didn't care, did you? Pretending that you loved me. Making me feel guilty that I couldn't return words like that so freely. Accusing me of cheating, that I never cared, that I treated you like you were just an available fuck. It was all a ploy, hmm? Well good for you, Strife. You tricked fuckin' Reno Sinclair. You want some kinda prize? How about my fist hittin' your jaw?_

_--_

_I asked you to stay._

_But you wouldn't listen to me, hmm?_

_You left before I could tell you…_

_But now it's too late, right?_

_You're gone._

_Just…give me one more chance to make it right?_

'_Cause…frankly…I don't know how to get over somebody you care about._

_And honestly? I don't want to get over you, Cloud._

_--_

_I should really take your number out of my phone, shouldn't I?_

_Even thought I doubt you even listen to these. Probably delete them the minute you hear my sorry fuckin' voice, right?_

_Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'd delete your messages too._

_Honestly, if I saw you again, I'm not quite sure if I'd try to kiss you, convince you to come back with me, or try and break your pretty little fucking face. You played me, Strife. And really, I'm more ashamed that actually I fell for it._

_You made the one person that everyone never _imagined_ to fall for someone, do just that. And I've made a _fool_ out of myself. How fucking despicable. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for this, Strife. _

_--_

_Please._

_Please, Cloud._

_It's been three months. Don't you think you've given me enough of your twisted goddamn punishment?_

_Don't make me beg you. You know I hate begging…_

_I want to see you. I want to tell you…before it's too late, Cloud._

_Don't make me regret all this shit that's happened to us, Cloud._

_Don't just turn your back and forget about it._

'_Bout me._

'_Cause, in the end…_

**I need you**.

* * *

a/n: Oh angst... Why are you my constant muse? -laugh- Oh yeah...that bold is there for effect, ne? -snicker- How angstyangstyangsty of me.

I suppose I have to torture Reno a bit more before these two get back together. I'm thinking the next chapter may just be their reunion. Be it happy or not.

I kinda just liked the idea that Reno would call Cloud to babble at his message machine...to make himself feel better, more than anything else. To make himself feel as if he could maybe get through to the stubborn bastard. XD


	47. Stray Cat

I used to love the rain. As a kid in the lower sectors, we used to dance and play in it. I liked to sit on the stoop and watch the kids, listening to the sound of the thunder, and the piddle-pat of the rain hitting the roof. I'd close my eyes and dream of a new future. Of a time when I could provide for my brother, work the job I enjoy, hell, maybe raise a family. Who knew—maybe I'd retire early and become that crazy old grandpa.

Now, I can't take rain. It's been raining for almost a week now. Now, instead of being this process for new life, it's become this poetic adaptation for depression. It reminds me of the night I walked out, when you called me Zack. When you chased me out into the street at all hours in the morning, barefoot, and you shivered ever so slightly, making me pull you into my arms. When you made me promise that I'd never leave you alone. Such a hypocrite. Who's sitting here now, looking out the window, waiting, _alone_?

It's me, Cloud.

Not you.

Me.

What happened to us? You changed. Maybe I changed. Maybe we could have made it for the better. But now I'll never know. In the end, you hurt me. And I feel like you've stripped something away from me that was rightfully _mine_. I lick my wounds, but I don't ever see them getting better.

And now, I've started to see what you mean. Nothing lasts forever. We have to let ourselves go. If we don't know what we want, then how can we be together? "If you don't know, then you can't care." The only words of wisdom my Pa ever gave me. Our last few months, you'd show up, but you weren't there. Here I'm waiting, and if you want to…? But you're still afraid that I will desert you.

I've realized that thinking this much is making it worse than just having you leave. I'm agonizing over things. I swear, my brain finally comprehends what you said to me…its better that we break away. I want to believe that it's the best for us. The best thing to make you happy, in turn making me happy. But you know what, Cloud?

I'm a selfish bastard.

And when I find something I want? Something I need? Somebody that I've found I can't live without? I'll kick and bite and fight for that. I fought for you. So hard, Cloud. It hurts.

Can I give up?

Some people say that I'm not worth it. I've made mistakes but no body's perfect.

In the end, I have one last chance to get myself together. I can't loose much more time—it's now or never.

Maybe, if I could see you one more time, I could deck you, or hug you, or kiss you, or fuck you, and then—maybe then, I can get over you. Not that I want to—but I need some kind of true release from you. I need my brain to stop thinking like this.

It's a rainy day like this that I get a knock at my door, pulling me from havin' a goddamn pensive moment. I don't want to open the door. It's no one I'd actually want to see—solicitor, charity shit, maybe a friend that wants to "comfort" but ends up making it worse. But as the door slowly opens, the knob under my hand, I see locks of blonde hair, matted down from the downpour, looking up at me with empty, blue eyes. A face I didn't want to see. The face I've needed to see for months.

A stray kitten on my doorstep.

And who am I not to take it in?

* * *

A/n: Neko Cloud. How many double meanings there are for that. laughs Or at least, the way I write my Reno/Cloud's.

Yes, another chapter of angst. It seems inspiration is coming fast. Penned this one down in about 20 minutes, half asleep, so if it sucks, me apologizes.

The next chapter---the beginning of the healing!


	48. Reality of a Dream

I was sure it was a dream. Things like this don't happen in real life.

No words were passed.

No matter how much I wanted to yell, to scream, to pull him into my arms and tell him to never fucking leave like that again, it didn't happen. He merely passed back into my life, without a word. It was a silent conversation, knowing that the words would come later.

Dry clothes were set out, a shower taken, and a pair returned to sleep in the bed they once shared.

When he crawled into the other side of my bed, I wanted to be bitter, to throw him out to sleep on the couch in my anger. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

He was here.

Why would I antagonize the one person I wanted to come home?

I was so temped to curl up to the warm form next to me—so close, yet so far away. So tempted to slip my arms around him and pull his back to my chest, nuzzling into his neck and falling into sleep, like we always did. Why did it feel inappropriate to curl up with the guy I used to call my lover?

Did this mean…

That in my mind…it really was over?

I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't. It didn't make sense. Cloud was home. _Home_. What the hell happened to my plans of kissing him senseless? Or even of punching his lights out? Or both, for that matter?

The night passed painfully slowly. All I could hear was the quiet sound of his breathing, tormented by the faint smell of his scent. My brain was going crazy. It didn't seem right to have such a desire towards him, since from the moment he walked into my place the fucker hardly looked me in the eye. My hand twitched, trying to control myself from reaching out to touch his face as it was softly illuminated by the faint rising sun.

He was still as beautiful as ever. Strong but delicate features, full lips, and brilliant eyes hidden behind closed lids. Cloud Strife—the one I lamented as the one that got away.

I wasn't sure when fatigue took me. It was a kind of restless, dreamless sleep. My mind knew something was out of place. When I woke, the other side of the bed was cold and empty. It was like having a waking nightmare—that first night, six months ago, was happening again. I shot up in bed, cursing loudly, a hand running through my hair.

How?

It was a dream.

My mind decided to torment me. _Goddamn it_. For a moment, I was hopeful again. Six months after he left me, a month after I stopped trying to reach him—now I had seen some idealized, TV drama ending. A chance for us to get back together. I'd lied to myself again.

Wandering from the bedroom, my heart leapt into my throat: he was there—standing by the window overlooking the street, eyes completive, yet strangely empty.

He was home.

He really was home.

I walked silently towards him, hesitating momentarily as I stood behind him. Every part of me cried out to hold him, but I couldn't make myself do it. He stood, silent before me, seemingly unaware of my presence. He had an air of uncertainty around him, almost as if he was asking himself why he had come.

I didn't want him to doubt it, because it was the one thing I'd been waiting for, all this time.

Cloud was home. Home with me.

I took a step closer, slipping my arms around his waist from behind. He stiffened slightly, and I thought my heart was going to break. He didn't want me. Everything I feared was true. All that time being an emotional fucking girl was for nothing. He came back to make sure I knew it was over.

I never expected him to relax into my arms, close his eyes, and breathe out a soft "Reno". I was so happy; I almost wanted to cry—yanno, if I was a girl or somethin'.

"Why?" The word rasped out, my lips moving to rest tentatively at his temple. Why had he appeared out of the blue? As much as I loved having him in my arms again, I didn't understand the reasoning. My response was met with a soft, innocent murmur.

"You stopped calling."

* * *

a/n: Wow, you guys. 200 reviews. That's kinda crazy. Thank you to all of you, especially those of you who have stuck with me all this time. I want to give a special little thank you to silenceinlight, who's been reviewing and consistently leaving me long, lovely and insightful reviews since Musings began, almost seven months ago. You're my angst buddy—and you have such an uncanny ability to understand all of my reasoning behind the characters. Thanky, thanky, thanky for all of your support, my dear. 

As for the rest of you long time reviewers—I promise, I'm giving out all my thank yous in the last chapter! I love and appreciate all of you. You make my day a little brighter, and help inspire me to write more of this little project.

I'm sad to think about the story ending, but all good things come to an end eventually. I still want to write stories for you guys, so I'm wondering—what kind of fic would you request? Any particular pairing/fandom you like? I do enjoy quite a few, so please request! I'll take all into account. If you want to know specifically the pairings I commonly take stabs at writing, or the ones I don't really touch, check out my profile.

Hope to see you at the next chapter! Two more to go. :D


	49. Absence of You

His absence was so hard to recognize recently. Months had passed. His things had been shoved to the backs of the drawers, jackets pushed to the back of closets, odds and ends cornered somewhere not visible.

My apartment was mine again.

In a sad, depressing kind of way.

The minute he returned, it was like everything came back with him.

The random blonde strands of hair on my pillow.

The light murmuring and snoring by my ear at night.

The strewn bits of leather clothing, sword pieces, and unrecognizable materia.

The damp bath towel thrown over my worn wooden chair.

His little green toothbrush.

The precious Fenrir's easily stolen keys.

Dirty dishes piled in the sink, remains from failed, but appreciated, attempts at breakfast in bed.

The sleeping form on the couch, attempting to stay up to greet me back from work.

The faint sound of off tune singing in the shower.

The hard punches to the arm after making public innuendo.

His _scent_.

It seems that you can be completely unaware of an addiction, until it is reintroduced into your life.

I knew I always liked his scent. I seemed to notice it ebbing away from the house, mostly when I slept at night, trying to hold on to the last bit of scent on his pillow. Once it was gone, I started to not notice its absence.

The moment he walked back into my life, dripping wet, sullen eyed, and as lonely as I was, I began to remember all these things. The things that made us. The things that made our home.

The morning after, I woke up to smell his scent on my pillow, and I knew it was real.

That intoxicating, indescribable scent, unique only to him—my newest addiction.

I couldn't wait to remember all the other things I'd longed for and forgotten, while he was away.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that shit, right?

* * *

a/n: My dearest, lovely readers: 

This may well be the last chapter of Musings. Because who else would end it on that line but me and Reno? XD

No, but seriously, unless I come up with a better, and not totally sappy conclusion, Musings of a Redhead is 49 chapters long. And it rests as such.

Now I must move on to new things! What shall I dooooo//looks around for suggestions///hopefully not all ffvii fics/// X3

Love to you all...and if this is the last chapter, expect a thank you chapter later! If not...well, then chapter 50 is gonna be hella long. XDDD


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